Sunday, April 6, 2014

the flu has landed...

Hey Y'all,

I am blogging here today from the land of the influenza infected, just in case you're not familiar, allow me to paint a picture for you. We woke up early Thursday morning to the sound of an unhappy Tillie, groggily responding to her angry cries, we found that she was not just unhappy she was also covered in vomit. Now, not that I'm bragging but, 5 1/2 years into parenthood we got this barf thang down! The trick is to contain, contain, contain... so we wrapped her up in the her cute little puke covered bed things and unwrapped the whole vomit bomb in the bathtub. We had one toddler down and while the other two kiddos were still sleeping peacefully, I could see the possibility of more stomach chunks in our future.

Now that I'm working there's always a decision to be made when a kid shows signs of disease. Should I take off form work? Can Nic stay home? Are some of the kids healthy enough to still go to the sitter? I opted to work from home and hastily called the daycare, begging, pleading... ok, maybe that's a little dramatic. The two puke free kids were good to go, for about 6 hours, than I got the call... Beau had a fever of 102. 

So that's basically how it began, now we're four days into this whole flu thing, and the kids are getting some of their energy back... but not any kind of cheerful energy... more like deviant, snot-filled defiance. Tillie is a curly haired terror, she has the voice of an 80 year old lounge singer, and angrily demands "More LET IT GO!!!". I've watched Frozen maybe ten times... maybe 40 I don't know I've lost count. When Tillie's sleeping the boys get a Pokemon marathon going... that was fine until they only wanted to watch it in Spanish, the same episode over and over again... in Spanish. My sanity is barely hangin' on.

I'm hoping a recovery is in sight... or margaritas... 

Pitiful sick child Tillie
He's still pretty cute even when he's a pukester

Some BFFs right here!

We got that sweet vomit bucket from the urgent care, stoked that it matches my decor

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Antler Canvas DIY


At my new job I work on a floor that has some serious, serious cubicle decor going on. No kidding, you should see the way my coworkers decorate, they're AMAZING. I joke that they should sell tickets to let the other floors in the building come through for a tour, like a Cube-a-Rama type event. So after spending a few months with my new team I've been working on my own cubicle decor, because nothing motivates me to work like being surrounded by sparkley and spangley do dahs!

I saw some antlers on pinterest that were painted gold and started to fall in love with the idea. So I started looking on Craigslist for some antlers I could decorate, but most of them came with deer pieces still attached sooooo.... that didn't work out. Then I had an idea to draw my own gold antlers on a canvas and decorate them and voila!

So here's a quick sorta-tutorial to show anyone interested how to make the same thing!

Michael's had a sale on canvases and bought a bunch in various sizes, along with some silk flowers, Martha Stewart gold craft paint, and 1 inch foam paint brushes. 

To start I drew the shape of an antler on cardboard and cut it out to use as a stencil (you can see the "antler" in the picture below)


Next, I traced the antler onto a blank canvas and started filling in the lines with Marth Stewart gold craft paint. 


I let them dry for a little while and then pulled out my glue gun and some silk flowers to add a final touch to the canvas. 


I broke off the flowers from the wire stems and cut the plastic as close to the petals as possible, and glued them to the antlers. 

and.

ba bam! Some awesome art!




Sunday, January 19, 2014

Tillie the Queen of Toddlerhood

I would like to take a moment to briefly pop in here and talk about Tillie’s sudden onset of toddlerhood. For her first year I thought she was going to be my calm kid, my go with the flow and cause minimal trouble kid. Actually she was, and while battling with Beau through some horrific three year old mood swings and a feces filled bout of potty training, I needed that calm little cherub. Then one day, as seems to happen with the little people in my house, Tillie turned a corner and we woke to find we had a toddler.

What happens, you ask, when a baby becomes a toddler? Well, everything in your house stops being yours and without warning becomes theirs. My toothbrush, my dinner, my shoes…. all became Tillie’s. Conner’s power wheels and Beau’s best bedtime jammies… now belong to Tillie. This tiny tutu clad tyrant only has to point and declare “MINE!” and her poor brothers are reduced to tears. Nothing is safe… literally NOTHING.

Tillie has also developed a flair for fashion, she will dress herself in any accessory she finds. Her favorite item of clothing is her brother’s discarded underwear. At any point you could find her with 3-5 pairs pulled on over top of her diaper, graciously informing anyone who dares question her “MINNNEEEEEE!”. Yes, all of the things… even the underwear is Tillie’s. She also enjoys shoes, some she can put on herself… other’s she needs help… still others aren’t for humans but she’ll try anyway. How do you explain to your boss that you are late because Tillie found GI Joe’s boot in the toy box and wanted to wear it to daycare? No other shoes could work as a replacement… and Joe wears a size 1 1/2 inches.


Tillie also seems to have lost her sense of danger along the way as well. She watches the boys jump from furniture piece to furniture piece and naturally wants to join in. She hasn’t learned how to jump yet, but she can stand on her tip toes and throw herself bodily at the furniture… and people… and occasionally the floor. I would have to say if Tillie had a natural enemy it would be gravity. The sound of Tillie “jumping” echoes loudly through the whole house giving Conner his new favorite phrase “She did not stick that landing”.

Finally, one last mark of her toddler change, Tillie is full of tiny, boisterous, and slightly drool filled displays of love. She wakes up every morning full of hugs, and charges though her day offering up kisses. Diplomatically healing the hurt feelings of older brothers who’s things are no longer their own, and parents who may have taken a head to face injury when she “jumped” unexpectedly into their arms. She crashes around her little world like she's been here all along and her chaos and crazy fits right in. Sometimes I wonder… whatever did we do before we had a Tillie.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Holiday Printables

So did you know you can edit pictures AND create printables on picmonkey?! I've been editing photos there for about a year now, but I just realized that you can do printables too. So I made some... for the holidays. I'm posting them here, so if anyone wants to use them they can.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited about Christmas this year. I feel like some years the holidays sneak up on me and I'm never quite ready, but these year 'twas I did the sneaking. I started buying Christmas presents in August so I think it's safe to say, I'm winning the holidays this year, straight winnin' them!!! I have to enjoy it while it lasts... because I know I'll probably miss the boat on the next three or five Christmases. Instead of getting my shit together early I'll be wandering Walmart on Christmas Eve trying to buy whatever they have left and hoping the kids think travel size deodorants are AWESOME stocking stuffers.

So anyway, here's some lovely festive printables so you too can get ahead of the Christmas curve... if you weren't already there when the decorations went out in stores the week before Halloween. Just click on the Link/Title below each of them to open as a .jpg.




(it's funny... because some of the snowflakes are yellow)


Merry Christmas!!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Oh poop, you got me again

Ugh, you know what kind of sucks when you're a parent... not being able to kick back for a few minutes and trust that the house won't go straight to hell the second your back is turned. Instead you can almost guarantee that any moments of peaceful laziness spent with children out of your direct line of sight will only end in tears... and sometimes poop. This lesson I have learned many times... but times are different... I'm a working mom now, and for the past few weeks I've been nostalgic for the old days. Remembering with sweet sadness how wonderful it was to be a stay at home mom, in yoga pants all day.

So yesterday I took a half day and spent some time with my little angels. I was only out of the room for a few minutes while I changed into my yoga attire... but that's all it took. I came out of my room to find Beau with FIVE unwrapped dum-dums stuffed in his face, Conner running in circles yelling like he was possessed... and where you ask was Tillie? Oh, she was in the hall bathroom, fishing in the toilet with her brother's tooth brush. Joy.

Tonight I came home, with a whole bag full of good intentions. I made the kids cracker pizzas, because I ROCK, they ate dinner before 7pm... and they loved it. You know what though, all that time spent having my shit together was exhausting. So, I hid for a few minutes in my bedroom... and then I heard yelling. Conner was yelling that Tillie was getting yogurt everywhere, which didn't make sense, because I hadn't given the children any yogurt. Which was kind of a horrible realization, because it meant they had been climbing in the fridge and OH MY GOD the only yogurt we had was in a half gallon jug!!!

I ran into the living screaming nonsense and burst upon Tillie two fists deep in a bucket-o-yogurt slammin' her face full of goo like the little lactose junkie she is. As I continue to scream Nic runs out, grabs her and sets her with clothes on in the tub... then runs out the door because his Dad was here to pick him up and go out. So now alone, and probably experiencing one the top ten most intense freak outs of my life, I strip Tillie and start some water going in the tub. I let her just splash in the stream while I run into the living room and mop yogurt out of the carpet... and off the couch... and out of the entertainment center... and off some clean laundry... like holy shit she touched everything she possibly could before she got caught.

I finally get most of it up, and run back to the bathroom to give Tillers a good rinse... when she starts to make the poop face. So I begin screaming... but then I notice something... swirling amid the bath toys are some brown chunks. I am too late, she has already pooped in the tub... and I've probably already touched it. I grab a cup and begin scooping poo bits out from the toys, praying she doesn't clog the drain. I look down and realize that she had already begun scooping poop out of the tub herself, actually I'm standing in it.

So there you go... I love the heck out of those kids, but damn, they make going to work feel like a vacation... and if work feels like a vacation I can't even imagine how awesome a vacation would be.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Halloween 2013

Now, if there's anything I've learned in the few years I've been a mother, it's that given the means small children can take something fun and turn it into misery. I'm not being a debbie downer, I'm not being mean, it's a skill really. One minute you're excited to celebrate a wonderful holiday with your favorite little dumplings... and the next you're crouched in the fetal position, covered in candy drool, praying for a straight jacket... or a beer.

This Halloween 2013 was just one of those nights. I picked the kiddos up early from daycare so we could get into some costumes, and get good pictures while it was still daylight. I imagined a perfect evening of sweet, polite, adorable children... and candy... possibly hugs even. Instead I brought home three monsters, already picking up a sugar buzz, and out of their minds with excitement. I had walked into, the perfect storm.

After spending an hour chasing the boys while Tillie held my leg and cried, I somehow had everyone in costumes. Conner was taking the chaotic evening as the perfect time to repeat everything I said. Beau was taking everything I said as a personal insult to himself and softly whimpering over his shoes. Tillie, well she had found a tootsie roll and was chewing and drooling chocolate sludge all over herself... and my leg which she was still clinging to.

I think maybe that was the point my mind gave out. I was yelling at the kids to pull it together, we were going out on the porch to take some damn pictures!! Everyone, get outside and smile DAMMIT!!!  Actually this is when Conner stopped being a copy cat, once Mom starts swearing... well, he knows not to repeat those words.

Apparently once I released the wild things back into nature, they were much happier. Our Halloween pictures turned out really well. I posted it on Facebook... so everyone could see my adorable well behaved children... gotta keep up the front ya know.


We moved on to trick or treating in Nic's sister's neighborhood...

Tillie fell asleep before we got to the first house, so we were hauling little princess in the stroller and having her brother's beg for extra candy. Nic and I argued angrily in front of his parents over which direction to go once we got going... so awkward. Turned into another "it's Halloween DAMMIT can we please have FUN" moment... delightful.

We decided to head back to our neighborhood...

Tillie woke up, jonesin' for more candy. Beau fell asleep holding his bag of candy tight up to his chest. We decided to do a lap in our neighborhood, I'm hauling Beau in the stroller. Conner is being cute and behaved... a true delight... really repping the family well to the rest of the street. Tillie has become an adorable sugar fueled monster. She won't sit in any stroller, she's running up to houses, hands out, demanding candy... then shoving the candy into her mouth and running on to the next house. She ain't got time for no trick or treat bag, no wrappers, no kindly words of "Peaseeee". I'm chasing behind her, fishing chewed up candy wads out of her mouth, trying to unwrap as fast as I can... she's covered in sticky... I'm covered in sticky. At some point I stop trying to wide and clean, I just embrace the sticky as a permanent state... it's who I am now, that sticky lady with the crazy child.

Finally, thank sweet lord, it's over!! I pick up Tillie, actually she sticks to me like a fly to flypaper, and book my ass home. I'm done... over and done. Oh wait, except for the part where we divide up the candy, and cry over the candy, and put the candy away because we're not eating it all tonight. I explained to the children, I put the candy up high so the candy elves don't steal any, but if they see some missing that's what happened... it was elves. This damn house is infested.

So there you have it, that is Halloween, I feel like I was hit by a train. I feel hungover... and I barely even got to finish a single hard cider, despite the fact I'm pretty sure I earned a couple shots of Tequila. Oh, and as I'm up at the butt crack of dawn typing this... I remember... I was supposed to buy coffee yesterday.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Tillie's Costumes

Hello, hello, HELLO! I haven’t been on lately… it seems like my inspiration for blog posts hits me while I’m in the car and obviously I can’t be typin’ and drivin’. Maybe I should get a tape recorder…

Anyway, here we are at the end of October, Halloween is today and of course I bet you are all wondering about Tillie’s amazing costume choices this year. Let me tell you, Tillie has worn a different costume to every party we’ve gone, and her cuteness is at levels so high they’re almost lethal. Fair warning, if you have a heart condition best you sit that candy on the porch and hide inside because tiny little Princess Tillie ain’t messin’ around.

 Here she is in her little mermaid princess dress, look at all the poof… I die I tell you.

Last week we went to a friend’s Halloween party and I was able to put one of our tutu outfits to good use. She was a tiny ballerina… it’s official chubby ballerinas are my new favorite… little dancers with cute little rolls of chub.

Here she is, sitting with daddy, eating a treat… maybe using him as a napkin on occasion. When you’re daddy’s number one girl he’s happy to be your napkin, princess wipes where ever she wills.

Our last and most heart poppingly adorable outfit is…. A pumpkin. I mean seriously, SERIOUSLY, that is one gourd so cute I think Halloween needs to be year round. To top it off she carries her little candy bucket and holds it up saying “bees, bees, BBEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!” Obviously that means please in Tillie land, and it wouldn’t be polite to take candy from strangers without both shoving a bucket into their face and screaming gibberish.


I'll have an update about our night of trick or treating tomorrow... maybe... we'll see if I've recovered.