Monday, December 31, 2012

Come here let me stick this to your head...

So, along with a spray paint addiction I also have this compulsion to make millions of hairbows and force my daughter (or sons if their willing) to model them around. You may actually follow me on facebook so you occasionally get to see pictures of the ribbon-ee awesomeness. You might not follow me on facebook so you sadly you have been bereft of the bedazzled sunshine which is my daughters forehead. So here you go, enjoy, you can thank me in the comments below...


Have you ever seen such a festive baby?!! I don't want Christmas to be over just because she looks so cute in this outfit!


Oh yeah, I made a collage, be jealous. So much cuteness one picture didn't cut it, I needed 5 at minimum.


This is one of my all time favorite pictures of Tillie (and the only time she'll be appearing topless on the internet). 


Ok, that was a lie, as I wrote it I remembered this other cute naked picture where she's squishing her pudge... while wearing a cute headband. 


Sunday, December 30, 2012

Spray Paint

So I think I have a problem... I'm in love with spray paint... I want to spray paint everything. EVERYTHING.  I've been collecting all sorts of junk just so I can spend hours on Pinterest trying to decide what my next project will be. You know, not everything on Pinterest turns out like you would think, also sometimes there are too many directions and WAY too much prep. I have ZERO patience, when I get something to paint I can barely control myself, if it gets any worse I'll be waving a spray can around inside thrift stores. So this year I'll be working on my self control issues and buying primer, sandpaper, and other lame prep tools. Anyway, here are some things that I will be painting in the new year,


This AWESOME mirror I picked up out in the middle of no where at an antique shop. Now before you freak out and start yelling "take the paint away from that crazy lady before she starts defacing antiques!!!" I want you to know it's actually plastic. The antique dealer was shocked I even wanted it, he called it "old junk" and seemed a little embarrassed to charge $2 for it. I slyly ordered my husband to crack open his wallet and pay the man post haste then strolled out with the giant, gold, plastic hulk, stroking it and muttering "my precious" under my breath.


This thang I bought today off craigslist and I can't stop staring at it. I've been wanting a huge frame to hang in our "art room" so we had something to stick the boys pictures to. I think I'm going to paint it either royal blue or fire engine red and turn it into a cork board, or a chalk board..... aaaahhhhhh craft ADD!!!! I can't even decide I just love it so much!!!

So that's what I'm going to be working on soon, here's something I finished a couple weeks ago. 


This is an old brass lamp I got for 4 bucks at a thrift store. I really should have cleaned it and then ran some steel wool over it before I started painting but I couldn't help myself and just went to town on it as soon as I got home. Bad idea, took me a lot longer to strip the messed up paint, clean, steel wool, and then primer and paint.... damn me!!!! Now I love it though! I even learned how to take a lamp apart and re-wire it thanks to Nic's dad. 

I'll post to show ya how the frames turn out, this could turn into a hilarious but also crafty blog... or an epic Pinterest failure blog.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Astronauts Wear Diapers

Potty training is the bane of my existence. I'm so tired of wiping poop out of tiny butt cracks and literally throwing all our disposable income away. I could do so much with the 40 bucks Beau craps on every month, my Pinterest is filling up with ideas that NEED funding. Seriously child, you're sharting all over my dreams of turning this into a home improvement blog.

So today we took a little trip on down to Walmart town and Beau picked an Elmo potty and brand spanking new big boy panties. He picked Elmo and I'm hoping he gets excited to poop on that furry little monster and stops leaving me nasty butt presents. He also picked his awesome underwear. Why can I never find Buzz Lightyear in my size?! Ok, as I wrote that I realized how creepy it sounds, meh whatevs.

So we get home and unload all our stuff, Beau poops himself with excitement. So we change that diaper and talk about where poop is supposed to go (right there in front of Elmo's smiling face). Then we pull out the big boy pants! I carefully explain to the child that his favorite characters from Monsters Inc. don't want him to pee on their faces, it hurts their feelings. Everyone got that? So pee on Elmo, don't pee on Sully. Clear. CLEAR?!!!

Well, not clear for Beau. He climbed inside the box the toilet came in and happily took a pretend rocket ship ride to the moon, crapping himself as he left earth's atmosphere. It happens to even the most experienced astronauts I hear, except their mom's don't have to scoop it out of their tiny Disney underpants. Screw you potty training, and I'll take this chance to apologize to Beau's future life partner because it is possible he still will not know how to use a toilet.

Elmo you creeper, why are you scuba diving in a toilet tank?!!

Monday, December 17, 2012

the fireball that got away...


Sometimes I go a while and think I have nothing funny or interesting to write about and my blog sort of putters to a stop. Sorry about that. Hilarious stuff happens to me every day, sometimes it takes a little time to register how funny. This is something that happened to me today, if you are raising boys maybe this type of thing has happened to you too.

Conner has this ball type toy that he loves to throw around; it has a long fabric tail that comes off it  so it can be pretended into a million awesome things. Mostly he likes to yell “FIREBALL” while swinging it around his head and launching it at stuff. Today I’m sitting on the ground playing dress up with Tillie, you know, doin’ girl stuff, when I hear:

“Have you seen a fireball like DIS!!!”

Before I can even turn my head three things happen simultaneously. The “fireball” goes flying past my face, a large plastic drinking cup smacks me upside the head, and Tillie and I are both splashed in the face with the ice water that used to be in the cup. Dumbstruck I turn to look at Conner who has both hands over his mouth, eyes wide with surprise as he starts to say,

“You know how you always say ‘accidents do happen’? “

Tillie and I stare at him dumbfounded, she has water dripping down her face and her once perky feathered headband is waterlogged.  Calmly I reply,

“Yes, I’ve said that before.”

“Well, this was soooo an accident. I did not mean to do that. I was not in control of that fireball.”

What do you even say to that? I had no words. I was laughing so hard I thought I might pee myself. My head still hurts, every time I feel a little sore I giggle silently. I’m writing this at school and I look so creepy silently giggling, gesturing, and typing. Have you ever been blasted by a fireball that got away?  

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Christmas Memories

My favorite Christmas memory growing up was the inevitable frustration and hassle of putting lights on the tree. I remember as a kid my Dad would pull out our fake tree (bought one year after our tree topper almost caught fire) and enough Christmas lights to stretch around the Earth... twice. No matter how carefully they were put up the year before they always came out of the box looking like they'd been put through the spin cycle on an old washing machine. One giant clump of lights that had to be detangled, tested, repaired, and finally, hung.

This caused my Dad no end of frustration and we'd organize into groups to get it all sorted. Mom would sit on the couch slowly working through snarls and knots until she had a clean string of lights for someone to test in an outlet. Everyone cheered when they lit up on the first try.  When they didn't work they were passed off to one of us kids to start plugging in a working bulb until we found the broken one. You remember those strings of light where if one burned out the whole strand went dark and you had to go through every one to find the problem. That was my personal, awesome, Christmas contribution. I am GREAT at finding those little broken plugs, a gift that is definitely under appreciated.

Sometimes this process took hours, and after all that work we would get to hang ornaments. I love this part. All those little pieces of history, packed away for 11 months of the year and in December they get to speak. Ornaments that were handmade, a few that were breakable and lucky enough to have survived us kids. Mom was really good at marking years and names so you could map out your whole life in ornaments, from "Baby's  First Christmas" to the previous year's popsicle stick creation. Each decoration was a reminder of where we had been Christmases past, making us appreciate where we were now. At the end we had this amazing tree that couldn't exist if we weren't all a part of putting it up.

Now I have my own kids and I'll never buy a pre-lit tree. Maybe someday when my kids get older they'll look back and remember the crazy process of getting our tree put together. Their Dad yelling things like "Lights are $1 a box! Let's throw these out and just get new ones!!!" me yelling things like "I'm trying to make magical memories with you!!! Stop ruining Christmas!!!". In the end when the dust and pine needles settle, we'll have a tree, each other, and the excitement of another Christmas slowly approaching.


This year's treeChris

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The worst part of parenting...


someecards.com - elbowdeepinsomeoneelsess*ht that's an adorable carrier of sickness and disease you've got there! 

So obviously there are some things about having kids that aren't awesome, like waking up soaked in someone else's pee or searching for hidden poos. At least you can look back on these and laugh, come one there will always be humor in poop. One thing that just straight up, flat out SUCKS, though is being sick when you're a parent.

Children are like tiny disease ridden carrier monkeys and when they're sick they are so cute and docile you just want to hug them up and make them feel all better. They bounce back quick from colds because of your loving, nurturing attention and recover with twice the energy they had before. That is the awful part, once they've spread their disease and your're lying half dead on the couch begging for the end, who is left to take care of you?!! No one, that's who.

Who are you going to call to come get your little germ spreaders? Anyone want to babysit three snot covered, yet exuberant, little petri dishes? I'm a REALLY nice person but even I'm not volunteering to take someone else's sickies.

So here I am on my couch, eating the cheese sticks the boys bring me from the fridge while Beau tries to braid my hair with his toes, contemplating ordering a pizza and offering the kids as payment. I bet it wouldn't even take my kids until snack time to start eating my body if I perished, they're worse than cats sometimes. Ugh, come on white blood cells get it together!!!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

what really happened that day....


Soooooo based on some feedback I got on my last post, I gather you all want to hear the story about what happened in the play place. Ok, maybe the only person who cares is my little sister Shannon. Well Shanny Pants, this one’s for you girl!

The other day we’re hangin’ at Chic-fil-A, I’m enjoying a chicken sammi in peace and quiet while the boys disobediently ignore their food and play. Whatever, more fries for me.

As I’m watching them through the glass I start to notice a little boy following Beau as he tries to climb. The kid is grabbing his shirt and pulling him off of the plastic steps. The kid looked to be about two, so I decided to wait a second and see how Beau would handle it. I watched Beau tell the kid to let go, he pushed his hands away and tried to climb past. The kid grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back, Beau told him “don’t touch me!” and still the kid kept messing with him.

The parent were sitting in the back not paying any attention so I popped my head in the door for a quick “Hey guys, let’s keep our hands to ourselves and if someone asks you to leave them alone, leave them alone. OK? Everyone make eye contact and tell me you understand.” Mmmmhmm, they all got it, boom situation momhandled!

Not, I sit down and look up to see Beau at the top of the play place with this kid inches from his face squishing him into a corner of a plastic cube.  Every time Beau tried to move the kid grabbed his shirt and dragged him back. I started banging on the glass Conner and Beau both looked at me as I gestured wildly at both of them. With hands and facial expressions I said something like this,

 *Conner go help your brother!* *Beau! That kid is the same age as you and I think you definitely have grounds to whack him!* *Conner! Go drag that child off Beau!!!!*

Obviously my kids are not great with charades because neither of them got the message. So I grabbed the baby and stomped in there to rectify the situation post haste! I yelled up to the kid to cut it out and let Beau past, he ignored me. So I grabbed Conner and said,

 “Hey, that kid is being mean to Beau, you need to get up there and grab your brother and bring him back down here.”

Conner ran up the slide looked the kid in the face and said “Hey that’s my brother and he is coming with me!” immediately followed by the sound of Conner tumbling down the slide. He got to the bottom and said “That kid is really big and he pushed me down the slide.”

Time for a pep talk,  “DUDE! That kid is two feet shorter than you, just move past him and grab Beau. Tell him it is not ok to push people and stick up for yourself! You can do it!”

Pumped up and ready to defend his tiny honor, Conner scrambled back up that slide and announced “Hey, no one picks on my brother and pushes me down a slide!” Then immediately came rolling end over end back down the slide for a second time to tell me, “Mom, that kid is huge, HUGE! I can’t save Beau. Seriously he is like a giant, and he pushes people!”

*eye roll*  *sigh*  *shoulder shrug*

“Well then sit here and hold your sister, I’m going up.”

I slowly and painfully crammed my body up the plastic steps and into the tunnel to pop out in the square where trust me there was no room for an adult. I grabbed Beau looked the kid in the face and said “Move over bacon.”  Wide eyed he moved away from the slide entrance, I dropped my kiddo down and slowly followed in a grunty, squeaky, horribly uncomfortable way.

Once back on the ground we packed up our stuff and got ready to leave, still no sign of the kid’s parents checking in or noticing anything whatsoever. As Conner would say “Lame, lame, LAME!”

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Play Place Bullies


someecards.com - Of course I support a parent's right to spank. My kids don't need it but you should definitely spank yours. 

 I know I’m not the only parent who lets their children run free at the Chic-fil-A play place.  You know what? I’m not even a little ashamed; because by the time I’ve hauled all three wildebeests into that place I deserve a break! I deserve to kick back, scarf some waffle fries and watch my children play happily enclosed by noise muffling glass. I keep an eye out, and my boys aren’t always the best behaved kids there but they’re usually never the worst. You know what drives me nuts though? Parents who don’t pay even the slightest bit of attention to what their child is doing, because they usually are the parent of the play place bully.

How exactly do you deal with someone else’s kid harassing your child?! I’ve tried miming through the glass window demonstrating dramatic pile drive and left hook directions, but I am not subtle and my kids aren’t very perceptive.  I try to let them fight their own battles whenever possible but there comes a time when you have to step in. I feel so awkward yelling at someone else’s child but, I will do it. I will even squeeze my butt up inside those plastic tubes to tell someone else’s kid what’s up. You best believe if I hauled myself up inside that germ ridden plastic that smells of billions of tiny unwashed children’s feet you will be listening to what I have to tell you. 

My kids attract bullies like magnets, seriously wtf?!! Maybe because Conner is big for his age and Beau is a peewee we cover the spectrum of sizes most likely to be picked on, I don’t know. I always thought my kids would be lone ranger toddlers, never picking fights but always stepping in to end one, heroically protecting the “little guy”. I guess that’s not how kid fights work. Maybe it’s the directions I gave about hitting that were confusing,

“Don’t hit anyone, especially anyone smaller than you, unless you’re being picked on, although even then it’s still not ok to hit. Ok, don’t just let someone else hit you, though, if you get hit first it’s ok to defend yourself. Goodness sakes, don’t be a punching bag, but don’t start it. Ok, just don’t hit people… unless you really have to. Oh yeah, and always help your brother if he’s being picked on… ”

I see how that could be a little confusing, it’s not like I can straight up tell my kid,

“Don’t hit, but if someone puts hands on your brother or you, KNOCK THEM OUT!”

Ugh, It’s a position I hate to be put in. I guess I’ll continue to let them try and fix their own issues whenever possible.  Stepping in now and then with my angry eyebrows and commanding “mom voice”, gently opening a stern but understanding can of whoop-ass on small bullies.

 Oh the situations we find ourselves in.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Mom's Holiday Prayer


In light of the holiday that is fast approaching I thought I would post a little blessing for us moms, hope you all have a great Thanksgiving:
 

Let the poopie diapers you change be few, and their bowels be especially active while with the sitter. May your potty training accidents be infrequent, always over a hard surface, and never on your favorite rug.

May your mom jeans always hold their shape, neither sagging in the butt nor expanding annoyingly in the upper thigh.  Let them always button at that waist defining sweet spot, just below the belly button but right over the muffin top, so you look nice and slim.

May any baby puke clear your shoulder, and all other vomit bombs make it to the toilet. At least if neither option is possible may you avoid a direct hit, and please Lord, don’t let it be contagious.

Let us pray that when choosing the day's cartoons the kids pass on Caillou and Power Rangers and choose something else, Dear God please, ANYTHING else.

When it comes to lunch may your mac n’ cheese turn out creamy and thick, because let’s be honest the watery stuff is gross. May your Nutella be bottomless and the fruit snacks plentiful and never glued to the couch cushions.

May all your extended family holiday time be peaceful, loving, and sweet, but if that isn’t an option may there be wine, lots of wine. Oh, and maybe at least make the drama worth watching too… just thought I’d ask.

 

Amen.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Never go shopping with my family

This weekend we packed up the kids and took a little trip up to the outlet malls in Williamsburg. I completely forgot that there are sales on Veteran's day and because I have no school age children I also forgot it was a holiday weekend. Had we known we probably would have avoided the crowds but once we'd driven an hour there it was too late.

The trip wasn't all bad, despite the fact that they were playing Christmas music in most the stores. I'm not going to lie and say the early Christmas music was the issue, actually I'm totally ready for the holidays to be here this year. My issue is that jingle bells is just one of those songs that should never EVER be remixed. When it comes to Christmas music I stick with the classics all Hanson, all the time.

Anyway, I sat for an hour in the Carter's store (jingle bell hell), playing at the puzzle table while Nic "used the restroom". After he got back we moved on to the Jockey store. Why did I ever think my family could handle going into an underwear store? WHY?!

Jockey has this man underwear that has a special remastered crotch pocket or something. They look weird like a they have a little pouch up front, or maybe to Conner they looked like a puppet, because that was what he decided to use the sample pair they had out as. Mean while as Conner is puppeteering, Nic holds up a pair of man bikini bottoms and announces "Do they make this as just a strap and pouch?!" than starts giggling like a 12 year old. Beau is pointing at all the crotch mannequins, and happily singing "butt, butt, that's a butt, butt, BUTT!" Just as I start to lift a mannequin to rub the butt on Beau's head (which would have been hilarious) I realize. HOLY CRAP! We are in public!! I grab my crew and hustle everyone out of the store, time to remove all of our immature selves from the Jockey store and head back home.

So fair warning, don't go shopping with us unless you too like to make innapropriate comments about underwear or enjoy humiliation.

Lord of the Flies

I told you in a much earlier post that I was working on a post to show you what the kids are doing while I'm working on homework. This should give you an idea of what is going on at our house most days,

1. I put out meals and snacks for the kids but from the stuff they scavenge from the around the house you would never guess. Beau likes to climb into the refrigerator and look around, he will bring me things like soy sauce and cheese slices through out the day. Just in case you're worried about Beau actually getting trapped in the fridge, I'm not good enough about eating leftovers or actually cleaning out Tupperware for that to become an issue ie. there's no room for that kid in the fridge.


2. Conner spends a lot of time locking Beau out of the bathroom, this sends Beau into fits of rage and sadness and as he throws a tantrum outside the door he repeats to me over and over "This not making me happy, this not make me HAP-PAY!!!"
 
 
3. What do ask is Conner doing in the bathroom? He tells me he needs privacy, what this really means is that he wants to hoard all the bath toys into the sink and not share with Beau. Well, I can only handle Beau's protest for so long and then everyone is back to sharing in a forced loving manner.
 
4. Once the boys are playing together again there is nothing they enjoy doing together more than throwing lizards at the wall. I bought a couple bags of squishy lizards at Target one day and go figure if you throw them at the wall they stick really, REALLY good. If you throw them at some one's face really, REALLY hard they stick for a couple seconds and it is hilarious!
 
 
 
5. When left alone in the living room my boys like to take all the cushions off the couch, throw them everywhere, and jump from cushion to cushion. Can you guess what game this is? That's right, they're playing don't touch the lava! Except my kids play it with a twist, here's the extra rule according to Conner "You throw fireballs at each other's heads to knock the other person into the lava". so basically they throw blankets and pillows and toys at each other as they jump through the air to knock someone onto the floor. I can't imagine why we had to get a staple in Conner's head the other day.
 
 
6. After a couple hours of this insanity I'm saying things like "Go to your room! I'll put on Barney or something, please! Before I lose my DANG MIND!!!" Conner replies "Was that a bad word? Can I use that word? When you interrupt me in the bathroom it makes me lose my dame mind too!"
 
7. Now finally it is nap time, best time of the day. Sometimes I don't even care if they sleep. I just need them to be really quiet and unseen for a couple hours while I try to understand cube root functions and invisible numbers.
 
 
8. Are you wondering what Tillianne does this whole time? She's just hanging out, watching the madness unfold, happily shaking the little pieces on her bouncy chair or whatever that thing is.  
 
 
 

 

Friday, November 9, 2012

thanks for participating


Alright, I don’t usually use this blog to air my personal grievances but there is something on my mind that I want to throw out here to the interwebs. I know my last post wasn’t really funny and this post is going to come off as cranky, but hey at least it’s honest.  I’m a month away from finishing this semester in school and guess what I am cranky! Anyway, here is the thing that set me off.
 

This ecard popped up in my news feed on pinterest and has been lingering in the back of my mind for a little while now, but I’ve finally put my finger on why exactly it bothers me.

I love participation trophies. I think their great and should have been being given out for a long time. Hard work deserves recognition, just because someone isn’t the “winner” does not discredit the work they have done. There can only be a small number of winners, does that make everyone else a loser? Should we all be fighting tooth and nail to be the small percentage of “winners” and fall into despair when we come up short?No!

The idea that participation trophies are meaningless and teach our kids to celebrate mediocrity is a cold falsehood and thinking like that will get you in a lot of trouble. We idolize people like Walt Disney, and Bill Gates calling them innovative and ahead of their time. How many times do you think they failed before reaching the point of success? More than you would imagine. They got no participation trophies and yet kept going despite unkind words and a harsh and unappreciative atmosphere. They recognized in themselves that failure was no reflection on their own self-worth and kept trying. We don’t all have that inner voice, some of us need to be told that it’s ok to fail, some people need that “you weren’t the best but thanks for all your effort” participation trophy. Is that really so bad?

 As a mother of three uncoordinated future sports attempters I welcome these trophies. I’ll be clearing shelves, walls, and refrigerator doors just so I can display them proudly and openly. Wherever they aren’t offered I’ll fill in with participatory ice cream, and giant signs that read “You’re #1”.  Let me know if you need to hear that too, because I don’t mind making you a trophy.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Who they are now


I heard once that the person you are in preschool is basically the person you are for the rest of your life (give or take some chest hair and forehead wrinkles).  I sincerely hope this is true.  I spend most my time as a mom worrying that what I’m doing is ruining my kids for future generations, then I reason myself out of being worried and into accepting my style of parenting, but after that I feel guilty for not worrying and the whole cycle starts again. I never realized this was such a big part of motherhood, this constant drive to make myself better and my kids better and be perfect and of course failing miserably.  My kids don’t have consistent bedtimes or naptimes, on occasion I give in to tantrums, my kids definitely eat more candy than a “good” parent should allow. I forget bath times and diaper bags and once I called Conner a butthead and hurt his feelings really bad.  I’m far from perfect.

Despite all the craptastic parenting that goes on my kids have somehow managed to turn out pretty awesome. Conner is smart and thoughtful, he cares about animals and people and thinks kissing girls is gross. As long as he grows out of his whole whining phase he’ll do great.  Beau is wild and charming, he gets swept up completely in everything he does and always apologizes when he’s wrong. He’ll drive Conner crazy then turn around cover him in hugs because he “wubs ConCon”.  Jury is still out on Tillianne, although she has an awesome sense of fashion and doesn’t seem to show any psychopathic tendencies. My only hope is that the people they will be in the future will reflect who they are now, as far as all the stuff I screw up daily, well let’s hope it’s just adding a little character to the mix. The world needs more good people, not perfect people, just people who try and people who care.
 

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Surviving Sandy: A Murder Mystery


So my last post found us getting ready for hurricane Sandy to hit. Luckily we did not have to eat any children, we actually didn’t even lose power.  At the end of the second day of rain we noticed that the boys room was starting to take on water. Looks like one of the windows wasn’t sealed properly and with all the rain coming at once the carpet was soaking up all the moisture. Also a strange stain appeared on the ceiling, in the dim light it looked like a water spot. We piled all the kids into the baby’s room and called it in to maintenance the next day.

Well, the next day came and with more sunlight in the room the stain kind of started to look less like water to me and more like an oily substance with maybe a slight tinge of orange.  As you can imagine after being trapped in my house for three days during the hurricane, I saw that spot and my brain started running.  I sent a text to my neighbor upstairs Bill to check if him and his roommates were safe.  He responded saying he was with his mother in the next city and they were fine, Trey the guy who rents the room over the stain was also staying with family. That meant the only person home was Ron. Now Ron is a little shady, he’s new and always seems to be on the verge of getting his 30 day notice to vacate.  He can also be very loud.

Well, after staring at the spot for a few hours it occurred to me that it was right under where Trey’s bed would be.  Then I heard a lot of loud thumps, noisy vacuuming, and some other motor-ish type noises. I sent a text to Bill and asked if he had actually heard from Trey to make sure he was safe or was he just assuming. Turns out, Trey wasn’t answering calls or texts and neither was Ron. Loud noises, shady neighbors, people not answering phones… my mind went to the next logical assumption...murder.

I called my Mom in law to run the idea by her, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind. I explained the theory, Ron had murdered Trey sometime during the hurricane for reasons unknown. All the noises I was hearing were probably him disposing of the body and there were bodily fluids dripping down into the boy’s room through the ceiling. She assured me I wasn’t crazy and it actually made a lot of sense.

I ran around locking all the doors and windows and called Nic to let him know about the crime scene before he got home from work. He came in let me know he thought I was totally nuts when suddenly there was a knock on the door. I peeped through the peep hole and… duhn duhn duhn, Ron was standing outside. We all scrambled in different directions me for the back room, Nic for a baseball bat to have on hand and then he slowly opened the door. Apparently Ron just needed help activating his Track phone, he lost the one he had before and couldn’t receive phone calls all day.  Suspicious? Indubitably!

A couple hours go by while we try to think what to do. Still no one can reach Trey, Bill decides to drive back to help figure out what is causing the stain. Finally I decide to run to the grocery store and grab food for dinner. On my way out guess who I run into? Trey!!! He was alive!! He hadn’t been murdered, just forgot his phone charger or something. That left everyone alive and accounted for.

What did I learn from this? Nothing. I’m sure whenever I see a weird stain I will assume murder, that is just where my head goes. However next hurricane I might try to hole up with a few other adults so we can keep each other sane. We still don’t know what the stain is, maintenance will be fixing that later I guess.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Preparing for Hurricane Sandy


Hurricane Sandy will be my second hurricane here in Virginia since we moved last August. Hurricane weather is so different from anything I ever experienced in Colorado and I think it has given me a little perspective into the way other people feel about major blizzards. Growing up in Colorado I always took for granted knowing how to deal with snow and thought it was weird that nonnatives would have issues. Now I have to deal with hurricanes and quite honestly they FREAK ME OUT!

Last year when we had Irene come through we had only lived here a couple weeks and were staying with Nic’s parents. Mostly we just got a lot of rain and lost power for 24 hours and tried to eat our way through the 20 gallons of spaghetti my Dad-in-law made in preparation. I think the worst part was no AC, no lights in the bathroom, and pinecones hurling through the air at 70+ miles an hour.

Now we’re looking at another hurricane making landfall and maybe ruining Halloween and it probably will be just like it was last year. Dump some rain, kill some power, knock over a couple trees and be gone. However I am mentally preparing myself for a catastrophic flood, where the ocean possibly rises so high that it flows over the boardwalk and down to my house. We spend the next week stranded on our roof trying to spell out SOS with our bodies and playing rock-paper-scissors to decide which child to eat first. Which will probably be Tilli, because she is after all the newest and have you seen her thighs?! She’d be juicy, that’s for sure. Well, it definitely won’t be Beau, I’ve seen the things he licks for fun and I don’t think my immune system could handle him. If for no other reason this situation is why we should own a pet, right? So we have more emergency food!

 

They tell me it probably won’t come to this, but I don’t know… it’s a freakin’ hurricane people!!!

Our Trip to the ER *WARNING* pictures included



So Tuesday night, about 15 minutes before my husband got home from work, the boys were rough housing in the living room. Conner was chasing Beau around when he tripped over a toy and smashed headfirst into the coffee table. I wasn’t in the room but I heard the impact, then screaming and ran out to find Conner walking into the dining room with blood pouring down his face. I’ve never had to treat one of my kids for a head wound before so I really wasn’t prepared for the amount of blood that was gushing from his forehead.  In my mind there is a line between injuries I can handle and injuries that need 911, for me this was as close to that line as I have ever come.

I had Conner lay down on the floor while I put pressure on his head to stop the bleeding and after a few minutes it looked like it was starting to slow down. Of course this was when he announced he really needed to go pee. Of course he did. We waddled to the bathroom both covered in blood and he couldn’t unbutton his pants so I bent down to do it for him. When I saw the blood on his clothes and my hands I started to feel like I was going to vomit then pass out. Luckily Nic walked in before I could blow chunks all over our traumatized kids and I crawled to the hallway to pull it together.

The gash wasn’t huge but it was more than we could fix at home with a couple angry birds band aids, so Nic stayed home with Beau and Tilli and I took Conner to the ER. Well first we went to urgent care, but apparently they didn’t take our insurance so they told us to drive to a hospital. A-holes.

Once at the ER they moved us through pretty quickly and Conner was awesome, sweet, and polite. This quickly earned him a plethora of awesome superhero stickers from the nurses. He finally ended up needing one staple, and took it like a freakin’ champ! He claims he wasn’t brave because he cried, but damn I would also cry if I got a staple stuck in my scalp without anesthetic. His bravery and quiet sobs earned him several more stickers and… ICE CREAM. You can bet he forgot all about his busted coconut after that. So the staple is in for a week, and Conner is already over the whole thing and learned not a single damn lesson about playing rough inside. So thanks to a suggestion from my Mom-in-law I will probably be turning the coffee table into a coffee ottoman.

 

OK, now for the kinda cool but maybe a little gross pictures. If you are squeamish just stop here… if you are curious please continue!
 
I took this while we were waiting in the ER because Conner wanted to see what his "booboo" looked like.

 
Here's a shot of the staple

 
Here he is afterwards at home wearing all the stickers he earned and making a weird mouth face thing... I don't know what that is.
 

Monday, October 22, 2012

Graco Safety

So I don't know  if you follow me on facebook, or twitter... or even instagram (you should by the way) but on Saturday I went to the Graco Snugride safety event hosted by Babies R Us. This was a kind of kickoff for the new car seat that they just came out with based on the change in safety guidelines for the ages children should be rear facing in a car seat. Just in case you didn't hear about that yet, it is birth up to two years old. Huge change from what was acceptable when I was a kid, seriously how did any of us live to adulthood?!

So at the event we got to play with the seat, check out the matching stroller and meet other blogging moms. Pretty cool! I was hanging out free from the kids that day and my husband was home with the monsters. He called me a couple times to say "Why are you doing this, how could you just leave me here?! I've been cleaning all day and there isn't a noticeable difference in the apartment...why won't they NAP??!!!" Ah yes, basically the same call he gets from me at work all the time but today I was out with my Mom-in-law and Sister-in-law and no kids for us!! Do you know how awesome it feels to hear other people's screaming kids in a toy store and just for once get to be the stranger who flashes you the smile of understanding and commiseration. To all those harassed parents dragging their kids through BRU on a Saturday, I have been there and I feel your pain!!

Anyway, I'm getting away from the actual point of this post. The carseat is pretty awesome!

Besides the fact that the print is ADORABLE! The inserts on the inside can be removed or added to fit a child from 4 1/2lbs to 40lbs. My daughter is 5 months and she is already almost out of the carseat we got before she was born. My kids are usually fast growers and chunky babies so this seat is perfect! 

 
The base the car seat sits on is in my opinion its strongest selling point because it is so easy to adjust. you can change the angle the baby sits at while it is clicked in but pressing two buttons and sliding it. This is how it can fit an infant and a 2 year old, you just slide the seat back and there is instantly a good amount of legroom up front.
 
 
There is also a foot guard that pulls up so you can try to protect your seats from shoe damage. It has these two little feet and is so dang adorable! Of course any parent knows that if you really want to protect your seats they should have encased the seat in an extra large hampster ball, but whatever I like the effort!
 
So at the end of this demonstration there was a drawing for the seat and guess who is getting a brand new car seat.... ME! Technically my Mom-in-law won it but my kids are bounced between her car and my car all the time I guess we can share. Here's a link the picture of all of us at the event with the seat.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Family Pictures

Last week we took a quick trip out to Denver, CO. It was or first trip back since we moved last August and we packed a lot in to that five days. We went to a friend's wedding, baptised Tilli, and took family pictures. Our photographer is an old friend from our homeschooling days and she takes AMAZING pictures! She sent me a couple last night and I have to put a couple up here, they are so adorable!!!

 
I love this picture of Tilli and Nic!

 
The best part of these pictures is how they capture the real personalities of my kids.

 
Every now and then I buy something that costs more than $5 as a baby accessory, like that adorable denim jacket Tilli is wearing! Seriously I could just die it is so cute!!

Here's my little family...
and here's my whole family, we look great!

  

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Perks of Parenting


I thought I would take some time to write you a little listof the perks that come with parenthood. Sure, I know some of you read mystories and think “er mah GERD!!! I am never reproducing!” but there is aserious upside to having tiny persons running about the house, and here’s a fewof them.

1.      Number one is never being stranded on the johnwithout TP again. My husband has this endearing habit of burning through athird of the stuff in one sitting and leaving maybe two squares for the nextlucky bathroom user. That next user is me 90% of the time because everyone elsecan pee standing up at my house. Now that I have kids I can yell at one of themto rescue me… totally makes childbirth worth it!

2.      Since potty training Conner I have access to eventhe most exclusive restrooms. You know those places with the signs that say “nopublic restroom” or “bathrooms for paying customers only”. Let me tell you,when faced with a three year old doing his peepee dance and eyeing their pottedplants they change their tune real quick! My bladder ain’t what it used to beso this comes in handy quite often.

3.      I have unnaturally cold hands and feet and mykids are like adorable little space heaters. All the energy in their tinybodies brings their temperature about equal to the core of the earth. This isgreat when they want to snuggle up on the couch and pretty dang awful when theyshow up in your bed at 2 am.

4.      Strollers with cup holders and extra storage… boom.I shouldn’t even have to explain this, but I will.  I hate carrying my own drinks around, makes myhands cold. I hate carrying my own purse around, makes me feel weighed down. Idon’t know what I did before I had a stroller, in hindsight I guess I probablyjust carried my own junk and held my own soft drinks, but not no more!

There you go, a couple universal, objective reasons havingkids is awesome. I love my kids and you can see for yourself the benefitspackage is amazing!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

that time I embarassed myself... oh wait there's lots of those


Believe it or not sometimes my children aren’t the most embarrassing people in my life, I do pretty good on my own too. What can I say, when you take high levels of gullibility and add sleep deprivation to a person who is generally not the quickest on the uptake you would have, moi. To put it plainly, if you want to get ahead in a pyramid scheme and need people to fill your lower brackets, invite me to your party! I’ll even bring dip.

Anyway, here’s a story that begins mildly embarrassing and ends deeply humiliating, enjoy.

When I was pregnant with Tilly I went through some god awful morning sickness and the only think I could choke down was mall sushi. For some reason when everything else smelled like poo to my sensitive nose, mall prepared cheap-o sushi was da-BOMB! I would walk through the mall every time I had class and spent a small of fortune somewhere in the neighborhood of maybe $50 that semester, all of it to feed that craving. The place I usually went did not have soy sauce packets instead they put the stuff in little jello shot containers. Convenient for dipping, but they did not hold together well in a book bag.

One day I packed one into the side pocket of my school bag and walked across the street to class . Not surprisingly it came open and leaked out the mesh pocket, dripping through the lobby, the elevator, down the hall, and all the way to class. Of course I didn’t notice. I remember thinking “gee, it smells good in here… kinda like soy sauce” then I took out my snack, reached for my sauce, and realized what had happened. Only like 10 minutes after everyone else in the class. I was slightly embarrassed but, hey no big right? I decided I couldn’t eat sushi without sauce, no way. No sauce might induce random preggo vomiting and that would be a little awkward.

I decided to race out the building and across the street and grab some sauce from a nearby Chinese food restaurant. I thundered panting through the door and noticed an Asian woman, she was the only person in the restaurant. So of course I ran up and asked “Can I have some of your soy sauce?!” She looked a little confused and replied “I don’t work here.”

Oh hey, maybe that was why she was seated at a TABLE holding a MENU! Maybe every Asian person in a Chinese restaurant does NOT work there. Maybe the ground could have swallowed me so I could disappear and accidentally racially insult a group of tunnel dwelling gnomes!!! Uh no, that didn’t happen, I waited for the hostess to come out took my soy sauce and hauled ass out of there.  

That is the end

I have the most awkward endings to stories, I’m sorry but if you’re looking for some sort of moral behind the tale I got nuthin! Well maybe this, I can be an idiot and it is very often incredibly embarrassing for myself.

Monday, October 1, 2012

that time Conner made up his own super awkward joke...

Conner is really into making up his own jokes lately. Usually they make no sense and the punch line follows his own weirdo logic. For example, "knock knock." "who's there?" "a zombie" "a zombie who?"  "punched in the face with a coconut!". I  know what you're thinking, look out Dane Cook!

Anyway, this weekend I took the boys to Hancock Fabrics with me to look for craft supplies while Nic and Tilly napped at home. You can imagine how well behaved and quiet they were in a store full of tiny shiny crafty shtuff and yards and yards of fabric. After cruising the aisles for a while I was perusing some lovely cotton quilting fabric when Conner thought of another joke and loudly asked "Do you know what the horniest animal is?!" I was slightly flabbergasted and thinking I surely misunderstood him I asked "Whaaa... Could you repeat that?" Yeah, I asked him to repeat it, I don't know what I was thinking. Of course he repeated it, even louder. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE HORNIEST ANIMAL IS???!!!!!" To say I wanted to die would be an understatement. He quickly followed that with "The rhino, of course." Oh yeah, that makes sense because of their horn.... of course that was the first animal I thought of, you too right... right?  I could tell by the faces of the ladies in the quilting section that the rhino was probably not the first animal that popped into their minds. I steered quickly towards the drapery panels, muttering "that's nice honey, very funny joke... oh look at that shiney thing, how about we tell more jokes in the car, ok."

Driving with Nic

someecards.com - Thank you for shouting all those instructions at me while I'm driving. How did I survive this long without you as a passenger?
 
This e card pretty much sums up how I feel about driving with Nic in the car. I bet most of you can relate. He says if we get a minivan he's not going to ride in it, I'm not sure if that is a threat or a friendly go ahead to buy one.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

I like to accessorize with orange...


I’ve been reading a lot of DIY and home decorating blogs lately, and I really wish that I had one of those type o’ blogs. If I had a lovely home deocorating blog that would mean I have a lovely put together home. I would take you on a tour and show you every beautiful room, pointing out little pieces of artwork and handmade touches that bring all my colors together. I would probably have an amazing color pallet and inspire people from all around to wallpaper pinterest with my awesome crap!

Sadly this is not my home. A tour of my house today would go something more like this…

hello, welcome. Don’t mind that bag of garbage blocking the entry, I absolutely have to wait for my husband to drag that out, I never visit the dumpster if I can help it. Then I would show you my living room, I really try to decorate in bright colors and I feel the jumbled array of mega blocks really brings out the orange of the goldfish ground into my carpet. How sweet of you to notice the jumble of dirty children’s clothes, yes my kids are running naked through the house as we speak.

 Moving right along to the dining room, my cleanup policy is “leave it on the floor until it is crunchy enough to vacuum”. I’ve found this the most effective way to deal with mac n’ cheese spills, oh and we’re accessorizing with orange again! Take a look at what I’ve done with my table top, I like to keep is extra sticky, keeps things in place.  Onto our extra open area, or the laundry pen! I truly think that laundry is just happier when it’s free, why keep it in piles when you can just throw it everywhere. Careful though occasionally there is a used diaper hiding under all that, so tread lightly.

Here is the main bathroom, why yes I made that wall art myself, just printed it right off the old computer. Notice the golden halo surrounding the toilet, I recently taught my three year old how to pee standing up. I don’t mean to brag or anything but, it is pretty impressive when you consider I had no previous experience myself!

As I walk you through my hallway I want to quickly point out the fabulous artwork surrounding us. You too can have this stylish decoration in your home, just promise to babysit and I’ll send Beau with sharpies! Not only does he make art I’m sure he could leave you a sweet little brown sculpture to find at your leisure, the element of surprise is just part of the fun.

Blah, blah, blah. I would go on to describe our bedrooms but, I think you get the point. I know I’m not the only person with this going on because when someone posts a cute picture of their kid on facebook the first thing I check out is the destruction in the background. The mess is honest, it’s everyday normal and sometimes it makes me want to tear my hair out, but I love the kids that make this mess.   

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Growing up?

                I always thought that when you became a grown up you would feel “grown up”. I remember watching the parents I babysat for as a kid and thinking that they seemed sooo old, like adults with rules and mature fridges full of actual food. Now I’m that lady with the kids and I wonder, do I look like an adult to all these kids around me? I keep checking the fridge to see if the contents look more mature than they did when I moved out of my parent’s house seven years ago. I have spinach in the crisper, I know what a crisper is, and I occasionally eat leftovers… maybe that makes me a grown up? For a while we had a house phone, the ultimate adult accessory. Except that it really needed to not be cordless, I think I need a super long curly cord and handset that can be stretched into the next room for “private” calls to really feel mature.

                I’m doing all these things that I saw grownups do when I was a kid and still I feel no sense of adult hood. I buy diapers, I pay bills, I balance a budget, I yell at my kids to quit jumping on the furniture. Yet, when asked a question by someone else’s kid my first thought is always “maybe we should ask an adult”, oh wait maybe they’re asking me because I look like an adult. Maybe once I hit 30 things will change, or else I’ll just skate on up to 80 still fooling everyone on the outside while the kid inside happily eats ice cream for breakfast and breakfast for dinner.  This can’t just be me though, does everyone else feel like they’ve grown up? anyone out there who saw my picture and thought… “hey look at this adult who writes this blog, she keeps three children alive like a pro, how very grown up of her”?

Thursday, September 20, 2012

almost... there...

Oh my God, I'm so happy it's Thursday. I just have to make it to Friday and then weekend here I come! How is your Thursday going? Let me fill you in on mine. Beau blew out a diaper... in Tillie's room. The only consistently clean room in the house and of course Beau would poo in it. After I mopped feces out of the carpet I threw him in the bath with Conner. While changing Tillie's diaper shortly there after she peed on the floor, that little girl can launch some pee surprisingly far. Oh while I cleaned that up, Beau popped out of the tub to say hi and surprise me, Tillie, and himself by peeing inches from the baby's head, gross. I can not wait for the weekend, not because I get a huge break but because I miss having Nic here to help scrub crap up out of the carpet with me. He is awfully good about cleaning up nasty messes, unless it's vomit.

On the happy side of today, the boys room is so clean! I took a picture so I can remember it, also notice those two wildmen sitting calmly in their beds?



That's right it is naptime! Time for me to break out all the good snacks and watch adult TV while I do homework.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Nothing New

someecards.com - Don't mind me, I'm just diapering a toddler.
 
Nothing new to say today, kind of busy actually, but here's an ecard to illustrate how it feels to diaper Beau.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Sometimes There are Four Kids at my House


I believe at heart we are all three years old. No matter how old you get there are always going to be things that make you want to curl up and cry, or kick your legs and scream your head off. For Conner that would be naptime, for me that would be messes that are out of my control. Here’s a little story from today, when I acted like a three year old.

                My kids really love mud. So today while I was on the phone with my mom they decided to take a bucket of water and make a mud puddle right off the back patio. After squishing in the mud for a while Conner decided to go back for more water. He walked through the dining room, down the hall, and through the bathroom and then back outside and tracked muddy foot prints both ways. I actually didn’t even notice until Beau came running into the living room to tell on Conner for nailing him in the face with a mud “snow ball”. Let me just tell you I was less then pleased. I looked around saw mud everywhere, toys everywhere, dishes from lunch next to the dishes from breakfast, and Beau angrily pointing and yelling with mud dripping off his head. Seriously, I lost my damn mind. It was like mess overload, I started yelling “everyone inside, stop throwing mud…  WAIT! Wipe your feet! Don’t bring those sticks with you!!! Oh my god don’t touch anything, don’t sit down! Aaahhhh!!!” Finally I just sat on the ground and started crying, it was all just too much.

 I’m sure you can imagine, being boys, they were extremely confused by this reaction.  Conner stopped and asked “Uh are you crying? Why are you sad? You’re scaring me.”

“I’m crying because there’s mud everywhere, and dishes and toys! You children never listen, I just can’t do this anymore, everything is always such a mess!” I blubbered back at him.

Conner looked at me the way I look at him in the checkout line at Walmart when I won’t let him borrow my “shiny dollars” to purchase legos, resulting in a meltdown.  Basically his face said “woman you are bat shit crazy”. Than he casually strolled over to the table and picked up some dishes and announced “I’m putting dishes in the sink, does that make you happy?” How very manly of him to announce that he is cleaning something as he does it to make sure that it is noticed and remembered… but yeah it did make me feel better.

I don’t really have any insight to give you about this other than, my house will always be a mess and I can act like a child. Things aren’t always funny when their happening, but their usually funny to look back on.

3 Questions I Get Asked A Lot


I get asked a lot of questions when I’m out with the kids, you know lots of curious folk roaming the aisles of Walmart. I think it is interesting that people will generally leave you alone, unless you’ve got some babies in your shopping cart then they feel they can ask you anything they want about your life. Honestly I don’t really care, I even find myself dying to ask other moms questions, but I know from experience cornering someone in a store to ask if they had to have an episiotomy is weird. Anyway here is a list of some of the most common questions I get when I’m out. Now maybe the next time I get stopped at the store I can just refer people to this blog.

 

1.       “Wow, you seem young to have three kids already. Did you plan them so close together?”

 

I like to think people ask this because I look so put together they assume I must be a planner.  Obviously I must have had a clearly laid out plan for my life and I am happily following that path blissfully enjoying the angels I carefully planned to have starting at age 21. How awkward is it to actually just admit that no, I didn’t plan this… yes my husband and I are that irresponsible. Apparently they just let anyone take a baby home from the hospital these days. Oh why thank you, yes they are cute.

 

2.          “Are you planning to have more?”

 

I don’t know how to answer, I didn’t plan to have three. I think we’ve figured out what is causing this but like I said, we are totally irresponsible so I make no promises.

 

3.       “Do you breastfeed?”

 

It was extremely weird after having Conner to find out that my boobs and what happened to them was now open for discussion with everyone I knew and strangers on the street. It was much weirder when I stopped thinking this was weird or feeling awkward discussing this with everyone who asked.  By the way, no I don’t, didn’t, won’t. Congratulations to you total stranger on nursing for five years, I’m sure it was difficult. I chose not to. Yep, my kids are healthy. I am perfectly happy and satisfied with my decision and don’t judge anyone who breastfeeds so get off my case crazy grocery store inquirers!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Hello Fall, I'd Hoped You'd Never Come...

someecards.com - But, if you're not here who will open my Capri Suns!!!


Fall is finally here, for me that means I can open all the windows and shut off my A/C. For my neighbors it means they can finally see the cause of all the noise and chaos they hear everyday. Of course now that all the windows are open that also means Beau is back to avoiding diaper changes with skill of a very tiny, sticky ninja. I'm sure all my neighbors enjoyed seeing me tackle my two year old and begin changing his poopy diaper only to have him escape mid wipe and start crawling for an exit. Don't you worry though, I caught him. With a good grip on one leg I proceeded to follow him as he crawled around the living room, wiping whatever I could reach. Are you impressed? Well you should be.

Can I put mobile diaper changing on a resume under special skills?

School is back on, so it's a little Lord of the Flies around here. I'm writing up a post to show you what exactly the children are doing while I work on homework.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

We Made a Project

 
Lookie what we made today!

 

You can't tell well from this picture but I used hot glue to write the kids names on this canvas, and spray painted the whole thing white so you can read the names raised up. Then we dipped their hands and feet in paint and stamped around the areas where their names are. You can tell which child is the best behaved by how neat and tidy HER footprints are.
 
 
Here you can see Beau's name under one of his foot prints. It was surprisingly less messy than you would think. I don't have any pictures of it happening because paint was going everywhere and so was Beau.
 
 
Not to brag or anything but... my kids make the best art! I wish I had a giant refrigerator so I could hang up every drawing, painting and doodle!
 
 
I'm slowly adding to my kid wall. So if you were to come over to my house instead of just carrying on about how cute my kiddos are I could just show you this wall of adorable photos and priceless art. I need to frame the picture Conner drew of me, you will be extremely impressed by the giant wiener he added at the very end.
 
P.S. Still no sign of Beau's missing poo, dare I hope twas naught but a shart?
 
 


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Not How I Wanted to Spend Naptime

                Bet you didn’t think you would get two posts from me today. Thanks to Beau’s uncontrollable bowels you now get this post, here is what is happening today at my house, right now, as I type… oh God I can’t believe this is my life.

Maybe an hour ago I tossed the kids in the bath tub, they were long overdue and starting to get a little bit rank. We can just add bath schedules to the list of things the new baby has “disrupted”. Anyway, Beau decided he wanted to go potty. I helped him out of the tub and he sat on the little training toilet for FOREVER. I was hoping that maybe this time he would actually leave something behind, but no. After that he was back in the tub, out of the tub, back on the potty, off the potty… whatever. Conner decides he is gonna stay in the tub and chill for a bit. Beau decides he is going to run through the apartment naked doing fun things like touching everyone’s stuff with is wiener. I grab a diaper and stop to check a text, Beau is scrambling to hide trying to avoid the diaper. I finally corner him, grab him round the belly and flip him over to strap that Huggy to his tiny tush.

As I’m attaching the Velcro I notice something smeared across my arm and shorts. I start hoping that maybe it is banana from breakfast, banana will whole corn kernels smeared in and I just haven’t noticed it all morning. I give it a quick sniff and immediately realize it is in fact poop. Poop on my arm, poop on my shorts, and a tiny streak on the carpet. I look around and realize there is not a large pile of fresh poop anywhere I can see. I panic and run into the bathroom yelling “Beau pooped and I don’t know where! Is there poop in the water?!” I have never seen Conner exit a bathtub so quickly. There’s no poop in the bath, but the scare has ruined playtime for him. I run frantically from room to room kicking over dirty laundry and lifting toys, desperately searching for the hidden turd. I’m trying to remember all the things Beau had been rubbing his parts on just moments before. I find nothing.

Now the kids are all down for naps. I still can’t find the poop. The optimistic side of me is hoping I caught the tail end of a nasty shart. The realistic side of me knows I’ll find it somewhere someday. Maybe when I pick up some towels while doing laundry later, maybe in a week when I put on my favorite pair of shoes. All I know is that there is poop somewhere in my house, right now, as I type this.

Is There Anything Grosser Than a Little Brother?


Being the oldest kid is hard, I know it, I was the oldest. I forgot how younger brothers and sisters can be annoying and gross until recently when Conner reminded me.  Unfortunately for Conner, Beau has some interesting quirks that because I’m Mom I thought were just cute and endearing. I guess for Conner they just make Beau “gross and disgusting”. For example, Beau can lick the inside of his nostrils; yeah his tongue is THAT long! He does this a lot when we are at the play place at the mall; he’ll stare down any kid on a toy he wants, licking the inside of his nose the whole time. Needless to say they toddle off and find something else to play with after a few seconds of that.  Hey, at least he’s not the kid who hits, right.

Beau also licks things he wants to mark as his. A few days after we brought the new baby home from the hospital Conner told me that he wanted to return her. Turns out every time I left to use the bathroom Beau licked the baby. He always told me she was “mine baby!!” but I guess he had to lick her to make it official. Obviously we would need to return or exchange her because once something has been licked by Beau it can never be clean again. Ever.  Even has I’m writing this he has licked all over our Nemo DVD and Conner is of course traumatized.

Now that Tillie has been “marked” she has even started to develop her own style of yucky. Oh yeah I’m talkin’ about formula fed baby neck cheese.  Conner has let me know that any blanket she uses she might as well keep forever since it has been tainted by her stinky Tillie smell.  I guess that sweet smell of baby is not treasured by a three year old.
I’m sure as the kids get older they’ll only develop more cute little habits to annoy each other with. Aren’t these the things that make family road trips fun?

 
this a picture of Tillie and the boys pre-neck cheese