Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Not How I Wanted to Spend Naptime

                Bet you didn’t think you would get two posts from me today. Thanks to Beau’s uncontrollable bowels you now get this post, here is what is happening today at my house, right now, as I type… oh God I can’t believe this is my life.

Maybe an hour ago I tossed the kids in the bath tub, they were long overdue and starting to get a little bit rank. We can just add bath schedules to the list of things the new baby has “disrupted”. Anyway, Beau decided he wanted to go potty. I helped him out of the tub and he sat on the little training toilet for FOREVER. I was hoping that maybe this time he would actually leave something behind, but no. After that he was back in the tub, out of the tub, back on the potty, off the potty… whatever. Conner decides he is gonna stay in the tub and chill for a bit. Beau decides he is going to run through the apartment naked doing fun things like touching everyone’s stuff with is wiener. I grab a diaper and stop to check a text, Beau is scrambling to hide trying to avoid the diaper. I finally corner him, grab him round the belly and flip him over to strap that Huggy to his tiny tush.

As I’m attaching the Velcro I notice something smeared across my arm and shorts. I start hoping that maybe it is banana from breakfast, banana will whole corn kernels smeared in and I just haven’t noticed it all morning. I give it a quick sniff and immediately realize it is in fact poop. Poop on my arm, poop on my shorts, and a tiny streak on the carpet. I look around and realize there is not a large pile of fresh poop anywhere I can see. I panic and run into the bathroom yelling “Beau pooped and I don’t know where! Is there poop in the water?!” I have never seen Conner exit a bathtub so quickly. There’s no poop in the bath, but the scare has ruined playtime for him. I run frantically from room to room kicking over dirty laundry and lifting toys, desperately searching for the hidden turd. I’m trying to remember all the things Beau had been rubbing his parts on just moments before. I find nothing.

Now the kids are all down for naps. I still can’t find the poop. The optimistic side of me is hoping I caught the tail end of a nasty shart. The realistic side of me knows I’ll find it somewhere someday. Maybe when I pick up some towels while doing laundry later, maybe in a week when I put on my favorite pair of shoes. All I know is that there is poop somewhere in my house, right now, as I type this.

Is There Anything Grosser Than a Little Brother?

Being the oldest kid is hard, I know it, I was the oldest. I forgot how younger brothers and sisters can be annoying and gross until recently when Conner reminded me.  Unfortunately for Conner, Beau has some interesting quirks that because I’m Mom I thought were just cute and endearing. I guess for Conner they just make Beau “gross and disgusting”. For example, Beau can lick the inside of his nostrils; yeah his tongue is THAT long! He does this a lot when we are at the play place at the mall; he’ll stare down any kid on a toy he wants, licking the inside of his nose the whole time. Needless to say they toddle off and find something else to play with after a few seconds of that.  Hey, at least he’s not the kid who hits, right.

Beau also licks things he wants to mark as his. A few days after we brought the new baby home from the hospital Conner told me that he wanted to return her. Turns out every time I left to use the bathroom Beau licked the baby. He always told me she was “mine baby!!” but I guess he had to lick her to make it official. Obviously we would need to return or exchange her because once something has been licked by Beau it can never be clean again. Ever.  Even has I’m writing this he has licked all over our Nemo DVD and Conner is of course traumatized.

Now that Tillie has been “marked” she has even started to develop her own style of yucky. Oh yeah I’m talkin’ about formula fed baby neck cheese.  Conner has let me know that any blanket she uses she might as well keep forever since it has been tainted by her stinky Tillie smell.  I guess that sweet smell of baby is not treasured by a three year old.
I’m sure as the kids get older they’ll only develop more cute little habits to annoy each other with. Aren’t these the things that make family road trips fun?

this a picture of Tillie and the boys pre-neck cheese

Monday, August 27, 2012

Guess Who's Learning Multiplication...

School started back up last week. Thursday night was my first precalculus class. I'm only in that class once a week so it is three hours long. Sounds rough but the teacher is pretty cool so it should go by fast. We aren't allowed to use calculators, I guess that is standard for a math class in a university. I haven't had a math class that didn't require a calculator since grade school. I'm pretty embarassed by how out of practice I am when it comes to doing my own math, the teacher had to show everyone how to do long division again... hello second grade. So I've made myself some awesome multiplication flashcards, because admit it 7's and 8's are the devil!

Conner is bummed about the return to school and the end of summer. When he found out I was going back the first thing he said was "Who will hug me if you're gone?! Who will wake me up from naptime and tell me that they love me?! I hate it when you go to school!" Dramatic much, I guess he comes by it honestly though. Lucky for him I'm only in class three nights a week so he won't be in daycare this semester. I'm trying to put off interviewing daycare people for as long as possible.

Week after Labor day starts the beginning of all the rest of my classes, feels like it is almost Christmas already. Once school starts time really starts flying by.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Another Poop Story

                This story is short but still makes me giggle. My little sister Shannon stayed with us for a month when Beau was almost a year old, I think she thought it was going to be more fun than it turned out to be.  The only space we had for her was in Conner and Beau’s room on a blow up mattress, we have such a glamorous set up for our house guests. Poor thing got to live the Denton bedroom shuffle for a whole month.

                One morning I came in to get Beau out of bed and Shannon was just getting up as well, I don’t know but the screaming baby might have been what woke her.  When I walked into the room the first thing I noticed was the very distinct smell of hot poop. I ran over to Beau hoping he hadn’t painted with it or eaten it. I found him sitting up in his crib right and next to him a large pile of poo. I grabbed him and checked his diaper trying to figure out how the poo had escaped, the diaper was pretty secure and it was quite a large pile. Shannon came over and we started checking everything around the bed trying to figure out how Beau possibly could have deposited this large pile of feces in his crib while keeping his diaper on. After searching for a time and finding nothing I turned to Shannon and said,

“Did you poop in your nephew’s crib?”

Shannon, “Oh my gosh no!”

“Well if it wasn’t Beau and it wasn’t you, I don’t know how it got there, unless you’re going to try and tell me a raccoon snuck in last night and pooed next to Beau then left.”

Shannon, “Are there raccoons here?! How would it have gotten in?! Now I’m terrified to sleep in this room!”

“It probably wasn’t a raccoon. Beau is just a pooping ninja.”

                I never for sure figured out where the poo came from but the funniest part was about an hour later when Shannon turned to me and said,

“I am seriously terrified of raccoons are you sure there aren’t raccoons getting into the apartment?”

                Uh yeah, I would have to say I was pretty certain there were no raccoons getting into the apartment, ever. Way to try and hide your guilt Shan.

Hi I'm Beau, did you know I'm a poop ninja?

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Super Awesome Ninja Spies

I pinned this idea on Pinterest the other day. You tape string to the walls in a hallway and ninja your way through. We used streamers we had left over from Beau's birthday, and it was awesome! I told Conner a few days ago we would do it and he wouldn't let me forget. One of the best and sometimes worst parts of having a three year old is their development of longterm memory. Here is our super awesome ninja spy obstacle course,

Sorry about the blurry kids, my phone doesn't handle movement real well

Than Beau broke a laser and freaked out

We blocked off the hall bathroom so anyone who had to pee had to ninja their way through to the back bedroom bathroom.

Don't mind the mess in the background, I tried to clean up a little bit before taking pictures, but what evs :)

Friday, August 17, 2012

5 signs you’re losing your mind from staying home with the kids

1.      Conversations with your husband go something like this “You are never gonna believe what so and so posted on facebook today! She is ridiculous! Well just wait until she sees what I just pinned to my Pinterest she’ll think twice about her status now!”

2.       You have strong opinions about the characters of children’s television shows. For example Big Bird is a whiney pain in the butt and I can name several episodes of Sesame Street and at least one movie to support that theory.  Once I start on Big Bird it almost always leads to Mr. Noodle and that’s when people really know I’m crazy.

3.       You have “disagreements” with large corporations and as a result have conversations like this, “You will not believe what Domino’s said about Papa Johns!! Oh it is on, I am never speaking to Domino’s again!! Garlic sauce for life!”

4.       You stop seeing how messy your house is and step over the same toys for days before making the effort to pick them up. I don’t usually realize until I take a picture of the kids and see the background and think “Holy crap! Is that my house?!”

5.       You’re so used to every bathroom trip being a public event you don’t even bother trying to close doors anymore.  Maybe you even forgot to close a stall door in a public restroom… Hey, I said MAYBE!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Poo Water Everywhere

So now that we have established that Beau does not like bugs, here is a story about poop. You know those diapers that are so messy there is no point in even trying to use baby wipes to deal with them? Well one day a few weeks ago Beau blew out a diaper.  It was awful and poo was everywhere. So I grabbed him carefully by the armpits and hauled him to the bathtub. The idea was to hose him off because there was so much poop it would take a mountain of wipes and an hour of work to effectively eliminate all of it. I turned on the water and started rinsing him. He was fine for a minute but then he looked down and noticed the poo particles slowly swirling and heading for the drain. As it turns out swirling poo particles look a lot like bugs. That was when things went bad and Beau began to panic.

Beau started screaming “bugs! Bugs! Dey on me! bugs on me!” I tried to reassure him that, no it was not bugs just lots of poop. He would have none of it and began thrashing and trying to escape from the tub.  I was trying to hold him still with one hand and rinse him with the other but he was struggling so hard poo water was flying everywhere. I started screaming “hold still, its poop not bugs! I just cleaned this bathroom! Hold still!!!” Now I am covered with poo water.  He is struggling even harder and gets one leg loose which streaks poo along the side of the tub. There is no point in me trying to stay clean at this point so I grab him around the belly and stick his little bum directly under the water. He is finally clean and I wrap him in his towel and he wanders off saying over and over “no like bugs, bad bugs, bugs ucky”. I look around my bathroom and survey the damage, poo water EVERYWHERE. Kids are so gross.

The Bug

                So today me and the boys were playing outside in our backyard, or rather a giant open space right off the back porch of our apartment.   Beau and Conner were tossing Frisbees when Beau stopped in the middle of the yard and started screaming “bug! Bug!”. Beau is terrified of bugs and very often confuses other nonbug things for spiders and bees. I started walking over to him thinking that maybe it was a rock or an old leaf when a giant black bug came flying right at me. Of course I panicked and started screaming and running in circles. This made Beau start screaming but he was afraid to move because the bug was between us. I tried to run over and get him but the bug flew even closer. So I did what anyone in my position would do and ran to get the electric fly swatter I had teased Nic for buying earlier that week. His exact words were “I would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it”, his same argument for why we needed a zombie apocalypse stockpile.  

                I ran back out with the swatter and slowly started walking to the point in the grass where the bug had landed. Beau was still standing there hanging onto his little Frisbee for dear life and screaming his dang head off.  Just so you all don’t think I’m crazy this bug was HUGE it was at least the size of TWO quarters, it probably could have carried Beau off and had him as a snack. So I approached very slowly and cautiously. The bug started to climb a strand of grass and I raised the electric flyswatter ready to zap him into nonexistence. Suddenly made brave by the fact that I myself was no longer screaming like a crazy person, Beau ran at the bug and pegged it in the face with his Frisbee then jumping in the air shouting “woohoooo!”  This caused the bug to fly erratically around in circles, which caused me to start shrieking and waving the swatter around my head. This might have been effective had I kept my eyes open; instead, I just looked like a total nut job. The bug flew off over our building and was gone, crisis avoided. Beau continued shouting “woohooo” while doing tiny ninja kicks and punching the air. I turned off the bug zapper as my heart rate slowly returned to normal.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

DIY Storage Bins

I've been wanting some cute organization bins for a while and started saving up all my empty containers and jars and Ta-Da!!!!

These are for crayons and art supplies and all the little bits of coloring junk that we keep around for our fabulous art projects. I recently started spray painting and now I want to spray paint EVERYTHING, I used Rustoleum in aqua to paint these. I made this really cute miniature bunting to go on the containers and that is also sort of my obsession at the moment.

More bunting!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

The Denton Bedroom Shuffle

                I’m sure most of the people who will read this are familiar with the total sleep deprivation that comes with being a parent. Before having kids I never realized it was possible to be so tired it hurts. Can you die from sleep deprivation? I’m not sure, but I do know you can hallucinate. Here is what a typical night in the Denton house looks like.

Around 9 pm we usually start shuffling the kids off to bed. Bedtime is one of the only times my boys willingly put on clothes. They have jammies in all different kinds of super heroes, cute right? Of course! Once they are in their jammies you have two tiny ninja wannabe’s bouncing racecar bed to racecar bed shouting things like “boom shakalaka” or if Beau is screaming it “Boom mothafocka”. Eventually though they do settle down.  With the boys in their room and Tillie in her crib we have peace for a little while. That’s when we break out the candy stash, dig into the good ice cream and watch television for adults. I never appreciated free time like I should have before children. This is bliss.

Around midnight we drag ourselves into bed and sleep for like an hour. Then Tillie is up and needs a bottle. I run around mixing water and formula and because she is a slow eater she ends up in our bed. Maybe an hour later Beau gets up and starts cruising the house, he eventually shows up next to my side of the bed whispering loudly over and over again “mommy, mommy, mom, mommy”. I play dead. He keeps whispering, now poking me in the face. I look over at him and loudly whisper “daddy is on the other side, go to the other side.” He just looks at me. “daddy has candy.” He darts over to the other side of the bed to harass his other parent. Nic picks up Beau and a few minutes later he’s asleep on his chest. Next Conner will come in looking for Beau, he’s afraid without him. I prod Nic in the ribs so he wakes up and carries sleeping Beau back to his bed. I put Tillie back in her crib. We sleep another hour or two and Beau is back. I’m too tired to deal with it, I scoop him up and toss him in between me and Nic . He is all over the place his elbow is in my ribs, his feet are in Nic’s face, I’m pretty sure his body temperature is a million degrees, and damn can that kid drool. Conner has a nightmare and comes in crying saying “mom, I was a stick, A STICK! It was terrible.” He camps out on the floor next to our bed and then there’s peace for a few hours. Until Nic’s alarm goes off and I wake up holding Tillie and pressing a bottle of formula into the front of my neck. She must have cried but I don’t remember getting her or making a bottle and I’m soaked in formula.

 I drag myself out of bed covered in formula, spit up, and Beau drool and start making a pot of coffee.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Shopping With Three Kids

                It is really hard to get out of the house with three kids, I dread shopping days and put off getting groceries as long as possible.  When I do go to a grocery store I usually shop at Walmart. Before I had kids I never willingly went to Walmart, now I am fairly certain someone has put pictures of me up on People of Walmart and if they haven’t yet there will be some coming soon. I shop there mainly because they have three seater shopping carts and a family bathroom.  My trips usually go like this:

 I arrive and circle the parking lot hoping to find an extra-large shopping cart. If I park next to it I don’t have to cross the parking lot while dragging my two year old by the hand, hauling a baby carrier, yelling at the three year old to keep up, and trying to keep my diaper bag on my shoulder.  I unload everyone into a cart and we take off, usually around this time I realize I left my list at home but I’m already here so I’ll just have to try and remember what I wrote down.

Two minutes in Conner has to pee, talking about it makes me have to pee. I rush over to the back of electronics and steer the big blue mommy assault vehicle into the family restroom. SCORE!!! There are two toilets!! One is tiny and one is adult size so I don’t have to wait for Conner to finish before I can go. Conner and I both sit down while Beau sticks the orange nylon pop-up triangle that reads “Caution Wet Floor” on his head and starts running in circles. I’m yelling at him to stop. Conner is laughing hysterically. Beau runs into a wall and falls over backwards, legs kicking out the bottom. I finish in a rush and pull up my pants.  Conner takes this moment to start asking loudly “Mom!! Hey Mom!! Where’s your wiener?! Hey Mom, where’s your wiener?!!!”  which then turns into “Mom!! Mom!! I can’t button my pants, buttons don’t work for me!!!” We get everyone buttoned, hands washed and back out the door. Baby Tillie is sleeping.

I get the giant blue cart rolling towards the food section of Walmart, people are jumping to get out of the way, smart move on their part because once this thing is going it takes a lot to make it stop. We go aisle to aisle I’m throwing in stuff I remember being on the list and also stuff that just looks delicious. I feel insanely hungry and realize that I meant to eat this morning and forgot. Than Beau starts screaming  “Mom, I stuck!!! I stuck! Help!!!”  I answer him “You aren’t stuck, I buckled you in so you can’t run away. Stop screaming.” He continues screaming. That’s when I realize he has pinched his little finger into a piece of the seat belt and is in fact stuck. I unstick Beau and get back to shopping.

Now the boys start getting hungry. Beau is trying to gnaw open a bag of cheese sticks while Conner whines over and over again “I’m starving to death, I’m so hungry, why are you torturing me.” I don’t want to be that mom who opens stuff in the grocery store but since I’m already a person of Walmart, what the hell. I pass out snacks and start heading to the checkout line. That is usually when all hell breaks loose. Baby Tillie who slept soundly the whole time wakes up screaming, Conner and Beau are loudly demanding more cheese snacks. The man behind me in line politely compliments me on my three adorable boys. I politely point out my daughters pink tutu, and flowered headband. Beau starts chucking his Buzz Lighyear out of the cart loudly demanding a cuppy. I try to breathe deeply and avoid melting down in front of everyone in Walmart, unload all my stuff, pay, and haul ass to the car.

Before leaving the parking lot they are all asleep so I usually pull over in some shade and scarf fruit snacks until someone wakes up and starts yelling. Yep, that’s pretty much how it goes although sometimes Conner yells different, yet still embarrassing, questions in the bathroom.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Best Pizza Crust Ever

I can’t really take credit for this pizza crust since it is part of a pretzel bites recipe posted by The Beantown Baker. I pinned the link on pinterest and set out one day to make some delicious pretzel bites. Unfortunately I did not read the whole recipe before I started and what I assumed would be a 15-20 minute project turned out to take much longer than that. So of course I got about halfway through and decided to quit, my go to move in most situations, and tried the dough out as pizza dough instead.

It. Was. Delicious.

Now this is my go to recipe when trying to impress prospective couple friends and other lucky visitors. Here is the recipe complete with pictures. Enjoy!

1 stick of butter
2 cups of water
2 table spoons of brown sugar
1 package active dry yeast
5ish cups of all purpose flour

First you want to melt the stick of butter and put in a large bowl, add 2 cups of water, next add you r brown sugar and empty the package of yeast into the mixture. Stir it all around and let it sit for about 15 minutes. It will look something like this

After 15 minutes it should look like this

Now you want to add the flour. I usually dump 3 cups worth in right away and stir it up, than I slowly add more until the dough is sticking together as a ball. This is when I start mixing with my hands, I keep adding flour until it is at a consistency where it does not stick to my hands and then ball it into a lumpish and leave it at the bottom of the bowl. It should look something like this

Let it set for about an hour so it will rise. Then it will look like this

Now you can take chunks of dough and make whatever you want! Sometimes we make mini pizzas, calzones, we even threw a wad down and covered it with pesto and ate it like italian bread once. This stuff is delicious! I usually bake at around 375-400 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes. Here's some pictures of what we've made

Mini pizza


Hope this recipe works for you, Enjoy!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Danger Baby

                I want you to go look at the pictures of my kids that I have posted and take a good long look at Beau. Beau is my danger baby. I love that kid more than anything and I am extremely proud of the fact that he has survived this long. Beau seems to have an uncanny ability to find the most dangerous place to be anywhere we go and be there precisely at the moment you blink or turn your back. I rescue that child from certain death situations on a daily basis, and it is exhausting!  So of course I feel extra proud about being his mom, like he’s my work of art and I want to hang him on a fridge with magnets so everyone can see.  Instead I’ll just post about it on here.

                Just to give you an idea of the work that goes into raising a kid like Beau here’s some info:

·         He vomited from the day he was born until he was six months old.  Now I don’t want you to think that by vomiting I mean spitting up a little after feeding, no I mean full on projectile vomiting three or more feet out at least once a day, for six months. Our Doctor said it was normal and he gained weight just fine, but he still has a very sensitive gag reflex

·         Since the day Beau learned to walk his goal was to run, everywhere, as fast as possible.  He doesn’t want to be held, he doesn’t want his hand held and if his feet touch the ground he will be gone.  Since he runs in a really cute hop-skippity kind of way this can be adorable but his favorite places to run are across parking lots and busy roads so he spends a lot of time being restrained.

·         Beau is an artist. His art is proudly displayed across most the walls in my house. What exactly is a magic eraser?   

·         Another thing about this kid, if you are Beau nothing is more hilarious than torturing your older brother until he loses it.

·         Add to that nothing is more hilarious than torturing your mom until she has to yell at everyone in her “Mom voice”.

·         Oh yeah, and if you don’t feel like eating it, coloring with it, or it showed up in your diaper go ahead and rub it on the wall.

While I'm saying all of that I just have to add that he gives the most honest apologies and sweetest ‘I love you’s.  He’s one of my favorite kids.

Beau as a baby

Beau now

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Schlotsky's Incident

Sometime in 2010 when Conner was a little older than one and I was a few months pregnant with Beau something gross happened at Schlotsky’s Deli. Something that we will never, ever, forget and has always since been referred to as the Schlotsky’s Incident.  

To begin the story we met up with friends at a local baby hang out called Little Monkey Bizness in Lonetree, CO. Conner had just learned to walk and we stayed most the day playing on tiny toddler obstacle courses and silently judging everyone else’s parenting techniques. Conner had also recently started drinking apple juice and over the course of the day consumed two maybe three boxes of the stuff. Finally we decided it was time to head out and get some adult food. Since I was the preggo I got to pick the restaurant and Schlotsky's is the BEST, so that's where we went.

Once we were at the restaurant we ordered and grabbed a table. Between us there were four adults and two one year olds and we were all gettin’ down on some DELICIOUS sandwiches. I’m not sure how we realized what had happened whether it was a smell, a sound, or just our parent senses tingling, but about 15 minutes into our meal we realized that Conner had shit himself. Not just a little, not even a medium amount. Actually those two to three juice boxes he had enjoyed earlier had caused an avalanche of feces to erupt from him in the middle of our dinner. Poop was bubbling up from his diaper and running down the legs of the high chair, and there was a little pool of it starting to build up underneath him. Immediately my husband jumped up and grabbed him, running straight into the women’s bathroom yelling,

“I’m sorry I have to change a diaper, THERE’S POOP EVERYWHERE!!!”

They really need to put changing tables in men’s bathrooms.

I ran after and tossed him diapers and wipes, then ran out to try and mop up the poo area. I went to the front counter where a really sweet high school boy was working and asked if he had any disinfectant and a rag. He smiled nicely at me and said,

“You don’t have to worry about cleaning up we’re more than happy to do that for you.”

“Um, thanks but my kid just made a really big mess and it’s probably better if I clean it up myself.”

“It’s really no problem…”

“My son just crapped everywhere, seriously everywhere, there is a puddle of poop on the floor.”

“Here’s a spray bottle and a rag.” He said handing it over quickly, probably thanking god that I didn't take him up on his offer. I considered, but you know how karma works....

Together my husband and I returned Conner and the restaurant back to their original state of relative cleanliness. Our friends even wanted to keep being friends with us, maybe they enjoyed dinner and a show.
 We blame what happened totally on the apple juice and have since learned to dilute the stuff before giving it to the kids thereby avoiding a poop-splosion. 

This is Conner 2 years later, now able to control his bowels.