Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Not How I Wanted to Spend Naptime

                Bet you didn’t think you would get two posts from me today. Thanks to Beau’s uncontrollable bowels you now get this post, here is what is happening today at my house, right now, as I type… oh God I can’t believe this is my life.

Maybe an hour ago I tossed the kids in the bath tub, they were long overdue and starting to get a little bit rank. We can just add bath schedules to the list of things the new baby has “disrupted”. Anyway, Beau decided he wanted to go potty. I helped him out of the tub and he sat on the little training toilet for FOREVER. I was hoping that maybe this time he would actually leave something behind, but no. After that he was back in the tub, out of the tub, back on the potty, off the potty… whatever. Conner decides he is gonna stay in the tub and chill for a bit. Beau decides he is going to run through the apartment naked doing fun things like touching everyone’s stuff with is wiener. I grab a diaper and stop to check a text, Beau is scrambling to hide trying to avoid the diaper. I finally corner him, grab him round the belly and flip him over to strap that Huggy to his tiny tush.

As I’m attaching the Velcro I notice something smeared across my arm and shorts. I start hoping that maybe it is banana from breakfast, banana will whole corn kernels smeared in and I just haven’t noticed it all morning. I give it a quick sniff and immediately realize it is in fact poop. Poop on my arm, poop on my shorts, and a tiny streak on the carpet. I look around and realize there is not a large pile of fresh poop anywhere I can see. I panic and run into the bathroom yelling “Beau pooped and I don’t know where! Is there poop in the water?!” I have never seen Conner exit a bathtub so quickly. There’s no poop in the bath, but the scare has ruined playtime for him. I run frantically from room to room kicking over dirty laundry and lifting toys, desperately searching for the hidden turd. I’m trying to remember all the things Beau had been rubbing his parts on just moments before. I find nothing.

Now the kids are all down for naps. I still can’t find the poop. The optimistic side of me is hoping I caught the tail end of a nasty shart. The realistic side of me knows I’ll find it somewhere someday. Maybe when I pick up some towels while doing laundry later, maybe in a week when I put on my favorite pair of shoes. All I know is that there is poop somewhere in my house, right now, as I type this.


  1. Found you via Finding the Funny on My Life and Kids and this story made me legitimately laugh out loud! Have you found it yet?

    1. I'm glad you found and that this made you laugh :) I still have not found the poo fingers crossed that it was just a shart lol!

  2. Yuck, yuck, and more yuck. Hilarious, because it isn't me. I simply cannot wait for the day that I don't have to lay eyes on any poo that isn't my own.