Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Schlotsky's Incident


Sometime in 2010 when Conner was a little older than one and I was a few months pregnant with Beau something gross happened at Schlotsky’s Deli. Something that we will never, ever, forget and has always since been referred to as the Schlotsky’s Incident.  

To begin the story we met up with friends at a local baby hang out called Little Monkey Bizness in Lonetree, CO. Conner had just learned to walk and we stayed most the day playing on tiny toddler obstacle courses and silently judging everyone else’s parenting techniques. Conner had also recently started drinking apple juice and over the course of the day consumed two maybe three boxes of the stuff. Finally we decided it was time to head out and get some adult food. Since I was the preggo I got to pick the restaurant and Schlotsky's is the BEST, so that's where we went.

Once we were at the restaurant we ordered and grabbed a table. Between us there were four adults and two one year olds and we were all gettin’ down on some DELICIOUS sandwiches. I’m not sure how we realized what had happened whether it was a smell, a sound, or just our parent senses tingling, but about 15 minutes into our meal we realized that Conner had shit himself. Not just a little, not even a medium amount. Actually those two to three juice boxes he had enjoyed earlier had caused an avalanche of feces to erupt from him in the middle of our dinner. Poop was bubbling up from his diaper and running down the legs of the high chair, and there was a little pool of it starting to build up underneath him. Immediately my husband jumped up and grabbed him, running straight into the women’s bathroom yelling,

“I’m sorry I have to change a diaper, THERE’S POOP EVERYWHERE!!!”

They really need to put changing tables in men’s bathrooms.

I ran after and tossed him diapers and wipes, then ran out to try and mop up the poo area. I went to the front counter where a really sweet high school boy was working and asked if he had any disinfectant and a rag. He smiled nicely at me and said,

“You don’t have to worry about cleaning up we’re more than happy to do that for you.”

“Um, thanks but my kid just made a really big mess and it’s probably better if I clean it up myself.”

“It’s really no problem…”

“My son just crapped everywhere, seriously everywhere, there is a puddle of poop on the floor.”

“Here’s a spray bottle and a rag.” He said handing it over quickly, probably thanking god that I didn't take him up on his offer. I considered, but you know how karma works....

Together my husband and I returned Conner and the restaurant back to their original state of relative cleanliness. Our friends even wanted to keep being friends with us, maybe they enjoyed dinner and a show.
 We blame what happened totally on the apple juice and have since learned to dilute the stuff before giving it to the kids thereby avoiding a poop-splosion. 

This is Conner 2 years later, now able to control his bowels.

1 comment:

  1. Most epic poop ever! That day will never be forgotten. Though you forgot to mention how, after all the shock during discovery of the incident had worn off, we couldnt stop laughing! And we still love you all and miss you so much!!!

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