Thursday, September 27, 2012

I like to accessorize with orange...


I’ve been reading a lot of DIY and home decorating blogs lately, and I really wish that I had one of those type o’ blogs. If I had a lovely home deocorating blog that would mean I have a lovely put together home. I would take you on a tour and show you every beautiful room, pointing out little pieces of artwork and handmade touches that bring all my colors together. I would probably have an amazing color pallet and inspire people from all around to wallpaper pinterest with my awesome crap!

Sadly this is not my home. A tour of my house today would go something more like this…

hello, welcome. Don’t mind that bag of garbage blocking the entry, I absolutely have to wait for my husband to drag that out, I never visit the dumpster if I can help it. Then I would show you my living room, I really try to decorate in bright colors and I feel the jumbled array of mega blocks really brings out the orange of the goldfish ground into my carpet. How sweet of you to notice the jumble of dirty children’s clothes, yes my kids are running naked through the house as we speak.

 Moving right along to the dining room, my cleanup policy is “leave it on the floor until it is crunchy enough to vacuum”. I’ve found this the most effective way to deal with mac n’ cheese spills, oh and we’re accessorizing with orange again! Take a look at what I’ve done with my table top, I like to keep is extra sticky, keeps things in place.  Onto our extra open area, or the laundry pen! I truly think that laundry is just happier when it’s free, why keep it in piles when you can just throw it everywhere. Careful though occasionally there is a used diaper hiding under all that, so tread lightly.

Here is the main bathroom, why yes I made that wall art myself, just printed it right off the old computer. Notice the golden halo surrounding the toilet, I recently taught my three year old how to pee standing up. I don’t mean to brag or anything but, it is pretty impressive when you consider I had no previous experience myself!

As I walk you through my hallway I want to quickly point out the fabulous artwork surrounding us. You too can have this stylish decoration in your home, just promise to babysit and I’ll send Beau with sharpies! Not only does he make art I’m sure he could leave you a sweet little brown sculpture to find at your leisure, the element of surprise is just part of the fun.

Blah, blah, blah. I would go on to describe our bedrooms but, I think you get the point. I know I’m not the only person with this going on because when someone posts a cute picture of their kid on facebook the first thing I check out is the destruction in the background. The mess is honest, it’s everyday normal and sometimes it makes me want to tear my hair out, but I love the kids that make this mess.   

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Growing up?

                I always thought that when you became a grown up you would feel “grown up”. I remember watching the parents I babysat for as a kid and thinking that they seemed sooo old, like adults with rules and mature fridges full of actual food. Now I’m that lady with the kids and I wonder, do I look like an adult to all these kids around me? I keep checking the fridge to see if the contents look more mature than they did when I moved out of my parent’s house seven years ago. I have spinach in the crisper, I know what a crisper is, and I occasionally eat leftovers… maybe that makes me a grown up? For a while we had a house phone, the ultimate adult accessory. Except that it really needed to not be cordless, I think I need a super long curly cord and handset that can be stretched into the next room for “private” calls to really feel mature.

                I’m doing all these things that I saw grownups do when I was a kid and still I feel no sense of adult hood. I buy diapers, I pay bills, I balance a budget, I yell at my kids to quit jumping on the furniture. Yet, when asked a question by someone else’s kid my first thought is always “maybe we should ask an adult”, oh wait maybe they’re asking me because I look like an adult. Maybe once I hit 30 things will change, or else I’ll just skate on up to 80 still fooling everyone on the outside while the kid inside happily eats ice cream for breakfast and breakfast for dinner.  This can’t just be me though, does everyone else feel like they’ve grown up? anyone out there who saw my picture and thought… “hey look at this adult who writes this blog, she keeps three children alive like a pro, how very grown up of her”?

Thursday, September 20, 2012

almost... there...

Oh my God, I'm so happy it's Thursday. I just have to make it to Friday and then weekend here I come! How is your Thursday going? Let me fill you in on mine. Beau blew out a diaper... in Tillie's room. The only consistently clean room in the house and of course Beau would poo in it. After I mopped feces out of the carpet I threw him in the bath with Conner. While changing Tillie's diaper shortly there after she peed on the floor, that little girl can launch some pee surprisingly far. Oh while I cleaned that up, Beau popped out of the tub to say hi and surprise me, Tillie, and himself by peeing inches from the baby's head, gross. I can not wait for the weekend, not because I get a huge break but because I miss having Nic here to help scrub crap up out of the carpet with me. He is awfully good about cleaning up nasty messes, unless it's vomit.

On the happy side of today, the boys room is so clean! I took a picture so I can remember it, also notice those two wildmen sitting calmly in their beds?



That's right it is naptime! Time for me to break out all the good snacks and watch adult TV while I do homework.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Nothing New

someecards.com - Don't mind me, I'm just diapering a toddler.
 
Nothing new to say today, kind of busy actually, but here's an ecard to illustrate how it feels to diaper Beau.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Sometimes There are Four Kids at my House


I believe at heart we are all three years old. No matter how old you get there are always going to be things that make you want to curl up and cry, or kick your legs and scream your head off. For Conner that would be naptime, for me that would be messes that are out of my control. Here’s a little story from today, when I acted like a three year old.

                My kids really love mud. So today while I was on the phone with my mom they decided to take a bucket of water and make a mud puddle right off the back patio. After squishing in the mud for a while Conner decided to go back for more water. He walked through the dining room, down the hall, and through the bathroom and then back outside and tracked muddy foot prints both ways. I actually didn’t even notice until Beau came running into the living room to tell on Conner for nailing him in the face with a mud “snow ball”. Let me just tell you I was less then pleased. I looked around saw mud everywhere, toys everywhere, dishes from lunch next to the dishes from breakfast, and Beau angrily pointing and yelling with mud dripping off his head. Seriously, I lost my damn mind. It was like mess overload, I started yelling “everyone inside, stop throwing mud…  WAIT! Wipe your feet! Don’t bring those sticks with you!!! Oh my god don’t touch anything, don’t sit down! Aaahhhh!!!” Finally I just sat on the ground and started crying, it was all just too much.

 I’m sure you can imagine, being boys, they were extremely confused by this reaction.  Conner stopped and asked “Uh are you crying? Why are you sad? You’re scaring me.”

“I’m crying because there’s mud everywhere, and dishes and toys! You children never listen, I just can’t do this anymore, everything is always such a mess!” I blubbered back at him.

Conner looked at me the way I look at him in the checkout line at Walmart when I won’t let him borrow my “shiny dollars” to purchase legos, resulting in a meltdown.  Basically his face said “woman you are bat shit crazy”. Than he casually strolled over to the table and picked up some dishes and announced “I’m putting dishes in the sink, does that make you happy?” How very manly of him to announce that he is cleaning something as he does it to make sure that it is noticed and remembered… but yeah it did make me feel better.

I don’t really have any insight to give you about this other than, my house will always be a mess and I can act like a child. Things aren’t always funny when their happening, but their usually funny to look back on.

3 Questions I Get Asked A Lot


I get asked a lot of questions when I’m out with the kids, you know lots of curious folk roaming the aisles of Walmart. I think it is interesting that people will generally leave you alone, unless you’ve got some babies in your shopping cart then they feel they can ask you anything they want about your life. Honestly I don’t really care, I even find myself dying to ask other moms questions, but I know from experience cornering someone in a store to ask if they had to have an episiotomy is weird. Anyway here is a list of some of the most common questions I get when I’m out. Now maybe the next time I get stopped at the store I can just refer people to this blog.

 

1.       “Wow, you seem young to have three kids already. Did you plan them so close together?”

 

I like to think people ask this because I look so put together they assume I must be a planner.  Obviously I must have had a clearly laid out plan for my life and I am happily following that path blissfully enjoying the angels I carefully planned to have starting at age 21. How awkward is it to actually just admit that no, I didn’t plan this… yes my husband and I are that irresponsible. Apparently they just let anyone take a baby home from the hospital these days. Oh why thank you, yes they are cute.

 

2.          “Are you planning to have more?”

 

I don’t know how to answer, I didn’t plan to have three. I think we’ve figured out what is causing this but like I said, we are totally irresponsible so I make no promises.

 

3.       “Do you breastfeed?”

 

It was extremely weird after having Conner to find out that my boobs and what happened to them was now open for discussion with everyone I knew and strangers on the street. It was much weirder when I stopped thinking this was weird or feeling awkward discussing this with everyone who asked.  By the way, no I don’t, didn’t, won’t. Congratulations to you total stranger on nursing for five years, I’m sure it was difficult. I chose not to. Yep, my kids are healthy. I am perfectly happy and satisfied with my decision and don’t judge anyone who breastfeeds so get off my case crazy grocery store inquirers!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Hello Fall, I'd Hoped You'd Never Come...

someecards.com - But, if you're not here who will open my Capri Suns!!!


Fall is finally here, for me that means I can open all the windows and shut off my A/C. For my neighbors it means they can finally see the cause of all the noise and chaos they hear everyday. Of course now that all the windows are open that also means Beau is back to avoiding diaper changes with skill of a very tiny, sticky ninja. I'm sure all my neighbors enjoyed seeing me tackle my two year old and begin changing his poopy diaper only to have him escape mid wipe and start crawling for an exit. Don't you worry though, I caught him. With a good grip on one leg I proceeded to follow him as he crawled around the living room, wiping whatever I could reach. Are you impressed? Well you should be.

Can I put mobile diaper changing on a resume under special skills?

School is back on, so it's a little Lord of the Flies around here. I'm writing up a post to show you what exactly the children are doing while I work on homework.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

We Made a Project

 
Lookie what we made today!

 

You can't tell well from this picture but I used hot glue to write the kids names on this canvas, and spray painted the whole thing white so you can read the names raised up. Then we dipped their hands and feet in paint and stamped around the areas where their names are. You can tell which child is the best behaved by how neat and tidy HER footprints are.
 
 
Here you can see Beau's name under one of his foot prints. It was surprisingly less messy than you would think. I don't have any pictures of it happening because paint was going everywhere and so was Beau.
 
 
Not to brag or anything but... my kids make the best art! I wish I had a giant refrigerator so I could hang up every drawing, painting and doodle!
 
 
I'm slowly adding to my kid wall. So if you were to come over to my house instead of just carrying on about how cute my kiddos are I could just show you this wall of adorable photos and priceless art. I need to frame the picture Conner drew of me, you will be extremely impressed by the giant wiener he added at the very end.
 
P.S. Still no sign of Beau's missing poo, dare I hope twas naught but a shart?