Well I have a new story for you today, a story where good wins out over evil, mothers defend their offspring, and Beau is once again attacked by a bug.
Our story begins as we are cruising and perusing the aisles of Walmart, I parked my three seater minivan of shopping carts at the end of an aisle to get a better look at some oddly shaped hunting knives. Suddenly from the cart I hear Beau screaming, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy, MOMMMMMM!!!! My knee!!!!!"
Casually I answer, "Quiet Beau-ee, your knee is fine, you need a kiss? Here I blew you one." *smooch*
"Mom, Mom, Mom, MOMMMYYYYY, MOMMMMMM!!! Hep! HEPPPPP!! A PIEDER!!!"
"Pieder" translates to spider so I decided to maybe cruise by and take a gander. You never know with Beau, he's terrified of spiders and often confuses things like toe jam, dirt, and every bug that moves for a spider. Well as I come to take a closer look I see that for once Beau is right, a brown spider is dangling a few inches above his little knee and he can't escape. He is strapped into the seat and the PIEDER is coming RIGHT for him!
Without even thinking I jumped in to save my baby, actually I think I screamed something like "MYYYY BAAABAYYYYY!!!" Than I open palm, bitch slapped that spider out of the air, did you catch that I SLAPPED A SPIDER OUT OF THE AIR!!!! Spider landed on the ground and was then trampled as I ran in circles screaming intermittently and repeating over and over "Conner! Did you just see that?!!"
I grabbed poor traumatized Beau baby, Conner missed the whole thing, of course. Gah! So basically I looked like the John McClane of spider squashers, and NOBODY saw!! Oh well, I retold it here EXACTLY as it happened, so now you can all stand witness to the fact that I have redeemed myself after Beau's last bug attack.