Because I'm a mom of course I had to update friends, family, and Facebook acquaintances immediately, there are pictures and of course there is a YouTube video. There were Tooth Fairy preparations to make and single dollar bills to acquire, Conner's dreams had come true... he was now a young man with an income.
When you're a kid losing teeth there is nothing but excitement involved, when you're a parent suddenly you are met with an unanswerable question. What the hell do parents do with baby teeth? I used to think that parents who packed away the first teeth of their offspring like tiny white treasures were weirdos. I imagined cleaning out someone's house and finding a bag filled with tiny human teeth and puked a little in my mouth, seriously it's the stuff of nightmares.
Then suddenly I was forced to think about what I would do with this tooth and a part of me just couldn't get rid of it. I mean I made that tooth, it took me nine months and it sat in his round little head for 5 1/2 years, smiling in all our family photos, eating my cooking (which has progressively gotten MUCH better over 5 years). I stayed up late holding that kid while he screamed, because when that tooth came in it was BITCH and he was miserable. He bit me with that tooth when he was two and I bit him back and felt so guilty and then we were friends and neither of us ever bit anyone ever again.
When he first grew that tooth his god father Ben was still alive, and I'm sad he isn't here to watch him lose these teeth because my Conner is amazing and they would have loved each other so much. I've had two more babies and Conner has just kept growing. Sometimes I feel like somewhere between morning sickness and colicky newborns I missed some little parts of his life and it makes those growing up milestones all the more bittersweet.
So I guess when it comes down to it I wasn't ready for him to lose that tooth and I wasn't prepared to get rid of it once it was out. In all truthfulness, if I'm speaking from the top of my experience and the bottom of my heart, I will never be ready to let go. Time can be cruel and relentless but, it is first and foremost constant and I will most likely be shocked each and every time I am reminded of it's passing. That's just who I am, a non-letter-goer.