Tuesday, May 12, 2015

the only pets we have are flushable

You may remember an earlier post about the possibility of a family pet, we really wanted a dog but would settle for a cheetah. Unfortunately for everyone involved Conner seems to be extremely allergic to dogs, and cats, and pretty much anything with fur that licks itself. Which leaves us with only a couple options, and cute and cuddly isn’t one of them.

This is where I  introduce you to our family pets, a little late actually as this is a posthumous introduction for all of them actually. Beau my danger baby received three gold fish for Christmas and a fishy habitat to go with them. He quickly named them Nemo, Goldie, and Orangey. His brother just as quickly renamed the last two Stinky and Doodoo. His mother accidentally killed all of them within the first 24 hours, so we are currently working with body doubles. That's right, literally the day after Christmas and we were already sneaking in replacements. With an air of I-told-you-so that was probably inherited from me Conner told us " you guys thought those fish were dead, but I knew all along they were just sleeping."

Now lets fast forward a couple weeks, Stinky, Doodoo, and Nemo have now funked up the tank to a shade of green so thick I could have bottled it and started hawking my own brand of green smoothies. So we introduce a new friend to the tank, a Plako named Wowo. Who is not so great at keeping the tank clean but super good at playing dead. So good in fact he gets flushed, but springs back to life in the middle of our three second long funeral. He woke up just in time to be sucked out the toilet hole, sent on his way to the "ocean" with the horrified screams of three traumatized children following behind.

In remembrance of Wowo we adopt a new Plako, Wowo Jr. I have now learned they are not the most active fish, and we have not accidentally flushed our new friend. However things aren't going to well for Stinky and Doodoo, who have actually at this point been renamed again and Conner insists we all refer to them as Twindo and Twindo Jr. Both of whom were found stuck to the bottom of the filter this week, not sleeping but actually super dead. I gave the kids the option of a small burial plot in the back yard or quick burial at sea via the porcelain portal to fish heaven. They chose the water option, and like any grieving fish owner would do, Conner performed a quick courtesy flush to make sure his beloved friends had some clean water to make their exit in. The boys sobbed quietly over the toilet together, Conner assured Beau that every time they went to the beach they would remember Twindo and Twindo Jr.

So, it seems we may be in for an interesting summer if every trip to the beach comes with a memorial for our flushed friends. We have two fish left in the tank, however that plays out. Could be by next week the marbles and fake ferns are the only pets left. All I know is, it's definitely a good thing Nic never bought us that Cheetah we begged for.

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